You know what a Humblebrag is, right?
Basically, it's when someone is trying to be self-deprecating, or poke fun at themselves, or suggest that they're not worthy of an accolade, but in the process of doing so, they're still kind of bragging about it. For example, if I won the 'Sexiest Man Alive' award in People magazine (don't laugh… it could happen. I'm a late bloomer) then I would say "Sexiest Man Alive? Did the million other better looking men than me all die in a horrible earthquake that I didn't hear about?"
In essence, I would be saying "Look, ya, I got this award, but I want you to know that it hasn't gone to my head." That way, if someone says to me "You're not the Sexiest Man Alive, not even close…" then I can say "Hey, I know, I already said the same thing." It's almost like beating your detractors to the punch. They can't hurt you if you've already said it first. But, more importantly, the Humblebrag is, in it's very essence, a way to point out something that you actually really want people to know about, but don't want them to think that you want them to know about. You're bragging, but you don't want them to know that you're bragging. You want it to be subliminal. While they're distracted by the self-deprication, maybe the brag will slip in, unnoticed.
But you can't say something like "How come guys keep hitting on me? I don't even have any make up on today…" without basically saying "I look really good. Even without any make up on." The latter being a straight up Brag, and the former being a Humblebrag. They're both essentially saying the same thing, but the Humblebrag is trying much harder to disguise itself.
I doubt I'm telling you anything you don't already know. Informing you of such wasn't the intent of this post. But rather, it was to point out what I consider to be the most blatant Humblebrag of them all. And I'm not talking about some egotistical actor or supermodel here. I'm talking about something that we all have to deal with in our day-to-day lives. From our friends. Our families. Maybe even the person that we see when we look into the mirror in the morning.
I am, of course, referring to the 'Sent from my iPhone' email signature.
Tell me that this doesn't have Humblebrag written all over it. I mean, why else would it be there? Does it serve any purpose other than "Hey, look! I've got an iPhone!!" But people assume that it is subtle enough that they're not really bragging. It's almost like they're thinking, "Well, it automatically adds it to the end of my emails, nothing I can do about that..." Guess what? It's a very easy thing to turn off. But you don't want it turned off, do you? If you did, you would. But, because it's a default setting when the phone arrives, you think that you're getting away with it. Well, I'm here to tell you: you're not.
Look. I get it. You shelled out extra money for the iPhone, and you want people to know about it. But guess what? It's not 2007. It's not a product exclusive to the States, and you didn't buy an unlocked one off eBay, import it, slip in a Rogers Sim card and become one of the few people in town that has one. Everyone and their grandmother has an iPhone these days, and you're not exactly in the consumer elite here. 'Sent from my iPhone' has about as much wow-factor as bragging about having had steak for supper. Sure, steak is good, but it's not like you just ate unicorn meat or anything. Anyone can grab a slab from Safeway and throw it on the grill.
Don't misinterpret me here. I'm not anti-iPhone. I have one. I like it. This isn't an Android vs iOS debate. I'm not saying you're an idiot for having one. You're not. To each their own. But the thing I can do without is all the emails tagged with the 'Sent from my iPhone' signature. It's easy enough to turn off. It doesn't benefit you in any way to have it there. So knock it off already.
Thank you.
.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Generation Next
I worry about the future. I really do.
No, not fossil fuels running out, or global warming melting the polar ice caps, and drowning all of our sorry asses. We're a pretty smart and resilient race, and I'm sure when push comes to shove, we'll figure something out if and when those problems arise. I mean, I saw Waterworld, I'm pretty sure we'll be fine. No, I'm more worried about the pussification of America. The upcoming generation of coddled, whiny, self important, entitled little shits that will be running the show in twenty years.
Now, I'm not a sociologist. I never will be. I don't have any charts or research or diagrams to back any of this up. But what I do have is common sense. And using that common sense, I am often completely baffled by the stupidity of our society.
We'll begin with sports.
As much as I consider myself a basketball lifer, the truth is, prior to age 12, I hadn't really ever even so much as dribbled a ball. Like most young kids, I started in soccer. And it makes sense: any kid can kick a ball, but watching young children try to even graze the bottom of the mesh when shooting a basketball is an exercise in futility. So, soccer is was. And of everything I can remember about playing soccer - every single memory - it is that I loved it.
I'll tell you one thing. I don't remember if we won, I don't remember if we lost. I couldn't tell you if the team I played for was any good or if we were the worst in the league. What I can tell you is this: We kept score.
And guess what? I didn't ruin me. I didn't need a participation trophy to feel good about myself. In fact, I'll go one further, and suggest that a little disappointment in life has made me a much better person in the long run.
Sorry to break it to you folks, but life is disappointing. Sure, the good eventually outweighs the bad, when it's all said and done. But along the way there will be some bumps and bruises. The girl you ask to the dance might say no, the promotion you worked so hard for might go to the other guy, your dog might be hit by a car, and… you might not win every soccer game when you're seven.
That's life, ladies and gentleman. No one gets through it unscathed.
And I understand the argument, that kids don't need to learn about disappointment so young, that they should get to just be kids for a few years before we crush their gentle spirits with the weight of the world. Hell, I could even be sold on it. But that's not really the issue here. The issue is that we're making an issue out of it in the first place.
It feels like we're taking non-issues and making them into issues. Whatever happened to 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it'? Is there an instance that I'm not aware of, where some massive overly-competitive kid killed himself because his pee wee soccer team lost a meaningless game? I doubt it. This feels more like people that have run out of real problems to solve, coming up with ways to prevent problems on the off-chance that they might arise in the future. Like, 'well, no one with a peanut allergy has ever died on a plane because the people next to them were eating peanuts, but we should get rid of peanuts on planes anyways, just to be safe.'
Just to be safe. That's the attitude that's ruining our society. Everyone is so afraid of being sued, or being labelled irresponsible, that we're starting to try and remove any hint of danger from our children's lives as well as our own. Don't get me wrong. As we grow in our abilities and knowledge, we start to learn that some of the old ways were down right dangerous and stupid. Sure, let's evolve and correct those mistakes, or improve things where we are able. I'm all for seat belts in cars. But how about a little common sense, too? I mean, Pagani is going to be unable to bring the new Huayra to America because their airbags do not have sensors to make them deploy at lesser force based on the weight of the passenger. Basically, Pagani is planning to sell eight cars a year in America, but won't be able to now, because their car isn't safe for kids. What idiot is driving his kids to school in a Pagani?
They built the Zonda from 1999 to 2011, and over those 12 years, made less than 125 total. I think it's safe to say that a little common sense could go a long ways here. Ford should be required to have this airbag system in their car, sure, children will be riding in Focuses for years to come. But a Pagani? Seriously? We can't use a little common sense and make one little exception? You think if a guy crashes his Huayra doing 180 mph on the freeway, with his 12 year old son in the front seat, that anyone is going to look to the government and say 'well, rules are rules, that car needed to have airbags that deployed with less pressure, and that's the reason we're facing this horrible tragedy right now, because you granted them an exemption'? No, people are going to look to the father that was stupid enough to take his kid out in his $1.1 million super car. But, on the off chance that some clever lawyer somewhere might figure out 'well, we could always just sue the government…' they have to preemptively cover their ass, and just deny the car's approval in the first place.
This is the lowest common denominator bullshit that I can't stand. Just because someone, somewhere might be stupid enough, doesn't mean we have to make a rule that all people are required to do things a certain way. Can't we have the decency to judge it on a case by case basis? I mean, if it's 3 am and the street is empty, and I can see that no cars are coming for miles in either direction, does it really matter if I do a rolling stop at an intersection? Or, heaven forbid, proceed cautiously through a red light that won't change for another 5 minutes... "But, Travis, if I let you off without a ticket, then the next guy will think he can do the same thing, and will burn through the intersection doing 60, during rush hour, and t-bone a mini van full of children…"
Really, I'm being lumped in with that idiot? Instead of a little common sense, we all get lumped in together, and it becomes the rule - black and white with no grey area - rather than the spirit of the law. And I'm bitching about this, when I've never even been given a single ticket in my life. But, there is no case-by-case basis. People are getting these stupid tickets all the time, because we have to do everything based on the lowest common denominator. Whatever the stupidest person on the planet might do, we have to be prepared for. And it ruins it for the rest of us.
And that's the reason that we don't keep score in kids sports anymore, the reason everyone gets a participation trophy and no one gets an MVP trophy. The reason we have to say 'Happy Holidays' rather than 'Merry Christmas'. The reason I can't enjoy a bag of peanuts at an Eskimos game. All of it, complete bullshit, pandering to the lowest common denominator.
Look, I get it. No one wants to see their kid in pain. Whether it be physical or emotional. If your kid is crying because he didn't win MVP, but Tommy Smith did, I can see why you might be angry that they set the stage for such disappointment to transpire. But what about the kid that cries for 20 minutes because they didn't win MVP, and then wipes away the tears and works his ass off all summer to improve and then wins the award the next season? Nah, not worth it. How about we remove all MVP awards and give everyone a participation trophy, instead? Sure, no kid will be sad, but without the lows, there are no highs either. No one will feel the pain of losing, everyone will feel equal, but no one will be exceptional. And is it just me, but what's wrong with having a few people that are exceptional?
Without reward there is no disappointment, but no feeling of achievement either. Without a little danger no one gets hurt, but everything is a little less fun. And there are less mistakes to learn from. Science proves that lead paint is bad? Good, stop lathering it on action figures and then selling them to toddlers. Common sense. Merry-Go-Rounds might result in one in every fifty thousand kids falling off and twisting an ankle? Quickly, have them removed from every playground in the country! Panicked over-reaction.
And the more we panic and over react, the more we turn the next generation of kids into complete pussies. No wonder that Twilight stuff is so popular.
No, not fossil fuels running out, or global warming melting the polar ice caps, and drowning all of our sorry asses. We're a pretty smart and resilient race, and I'm sure when push comes to shove, we'll figure something out if and when those problems arise. I mean, I saw Waterworld, I'm pretty sure we'll be fine. No, I'm more worried about the pussification of America. The upcoming generation of coddled, whiny, self important, entitled little shits that will be running the show in twenty years.
Now, I'm not a sociologist. I never will be. I don't have any charts or research or diagrams to back any of this up. But what I do have is common sense. And using that common sense, I am often completely baffled by the stupidity of our society.
We'll begin with sports.
As much as I consider myself a basketball lifer, the truth is, prior to age 12, I hadn't really ever even so much as dribbled a ball. Like most young kids, I started in soccer. And it makes sense: any kid can kick a ball, but watching young children try to even graze the bottom of the mesh when shooting a basketball is an exercise in futility. So, soccer is was. And of everything I can remember about playing soccer - every single memory - it is that I loved it.
I'll tell you one thing. I don't remember if we won, I don't remember if we lost. I couldn't tell you if the team I played for was any good or if we were the worst in the league. What I can tell you is this: We kept score.
And guess what? I didn't ruin me. I didn't need a participation trophy to feel good about myself. In fact, I'll go one further, and suggest that a little disappointment in life has made me a much better person in the long run.
Sorry to break it to you folks, but life is disappointing. Sure, the good eventually outweighs the bad, when it's all said and done. But along the way there will be some bumps and bruises. The girl you ask to the dance might say no, the promotion you worked so hard for might go to the other guy, your dog might be hit by a car, and… you might not win every soccer game when you're seven.
That's life, ladies and gentleman. No one gets through it unscathed.
And I understand the argument, that kids don't need to learn about disappointment so young, that they should get to just be kids for a few years before we crush their gentle spirits with the weight of the world. Hell, I could even be sold on it. But that's not really the issue here. The issue is that we're making an issue out of it in the first place.
It feels like we're taking non-issues and making them into issues. Whatever happened to 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it'? Is there an instance that I'm not aware of, where some massive overly-competitive kid killed himself because his pee wee soccer team lost a meaningless game? I doubt it. This feels more like people that have run out of real problems to solve, coming up with ways to prevent problems on the off-chance that they might arise in the future. Like, 'well, no one with a peanut allergy has ever died on a plane because the people next to them were eating peanuts, but we should get rid of peanuts on planes anyways, just to be safe.'
Just to be safe. That's the attitude that's ruining our society. Everyone is so afraid of being sued, or being labelled irresponsible, that we're starting to try and remove any hint of danger from our children's lives as well as our own. Don't get me wrong. As we grow in our abilities and knowledge, we start to learn that some of the old ways were down right dangerous and stupid. Sure, let's evolve and correct those mistakes, or improve things where we are able. I'm all for seat belts in cars. But how about a little common sense, too? I mean, Pagani is going to be unable to bring the new Huayra to America because their airbags do not have sensors to make them deploy at lesser force based on the weight of the passenger. Basically, Pagani is planning to sell eight cars a year in America, but won't be able to now, because their car isn't safe for kids. What idiot is driving his kids to school in a Pagani?
They built the Zonda from 1999 to 2011, and over those 12 years, made less than 125 total. I think it's safe to say that a little common sense could go a long ways here. Ford should be required to have this airbag system in their car, sure, children will be riding in Focuses for years to come. But a Pagani? Seriously? We can't use a little common sense and make one little exception? You think if a guy crashes his Huayra doing 180 mph on the freeway, with his 12 year old son in the front seat, that anyone is going to look to the government and say 'well, rules are rules, that car needed to have airbags that deployed with less pressure, and that's the reason we're facing this horrible tragedy right now, because you granted them an exemption'? No, people are going to look to the father that was stupid enough to take his kid out in his $1.1 million super car. But, on the off chance that some clever lawyer somewhere might figure out 'well, we could always just sue the government…' they have to preemptively cover their ass, and just deny the car's approval in the first place.
This is the lowest common denominator bullshit that I can't stand. Just because someone, somewhere might be stupid enough, doesn't mean we have to make a rule that all people are required to do things a certain way. Can't we have the decency to judge it on a case by case basis? I mean, if it's 3 am and the street is empty, and I can see that no cars are coming for miles in either direction, does it really matter if I do a rolling stop at an intersection? Or, heaven forbid, proceed cautiously through a red light that won't change for another 5 minutes... "But, Travis, if I let you off without a ticket, then the next guy will think he can do the same thing, and will burn through the intersection doing 60, during rush hour, and t-bone a mini van full of children…"
Really, I'm being lumped in with that idiot? Instead of a little common sense, we all get lumped in together, and it becomes the rule - black and white with no grey area - rather than the spirit of the law. And I'm bitching about this, when I've never even been given a single ticket in my life. But, there is no case-by-case basis. People are getting these stupid tickets all the time, because we have to do everything based on the lowest common denominator. Whatever the stupidest person on the planet might do, we have to be prepared for. And it ruins it for the rest of us.
And that's the reason that we don't keep score in kids sports anymore, the reason everyone gets a participation trophy and no one gets an MVP trophy. The reason we have to say 'Happy Holidays' rather than 'Merry Christmas'. The reason I can't enjoy a bag of peanuts at an Eskimos game. All of it, complete bullshit, pandering to the lowest common denominator.
Look, I get it. No one wants to see their kid in pain. Whether it be physical or emotional. If your kid is crying because he didn't win MVP, but Tommy Smith did, I can see why you might be angry that they set the stage for such disappointment to transpire. But what about the kid that cries for 20 minutes because they didn't win MVP, and then wipes away the tears and works his ass off all summer to improve and then wins the award the next season? Nah, not worth it. How about we remove all MVP awards and give everyone a participation trophy, instead? Sure, no kid will be sad, but without the lows, there are no highs either. No one will feel the pain of losing, everyone will feel equal, but no one will be exceptional. And is it just me, but what's wrong with having a few people that are exceptional?
Without reward there is no disappointment, but no feeling of achievement either. Without a little danger no one gets hurt, but everything is a little less fun. And there are less mistakes to learn from. Science proves that lead paint is bad? Good, stop lathering it on action figures and then selling them to toddlers. Common sense. Merry-Go-Rounds might result in one in every fifty thousand kids falling off and twisting an ankle? Quickly, have them removed from every playground in the country! Panicked over-reaction.
And the more we panic and over react, the more we turn the next generation of kids into complete pussies. No wonder that Twilight stuff is so popular.
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