Last week's discussion, at it's core, was about the decision one must make when faced with the choice between a sub-par product or nothing at all. Basically, there are two schools of thought: That something - anything - is better than nothing. Or that a person must set standards for themselves, and never settle for less than those standards, even if it means going without. My personal philosophy is mostly inline with the first mindset, and I believe that the post reflected this. But, I also fully concede that there's nothing wrong with having standards, and never selling yourself short of them. In fact, it's pretty admirable. I wasn't really arguing for one philosophy over the other, rather, the main point I was trying to convey was that if you do go the second route, just don't be a dick about it.
What we didn't really discuss at the time was that there was always a third option. For the sake of making my point, the scenario I laid out was that your only choice was substandard beer or nothing at all. But, let's not forget, in reality everyone has a tap, and the third choice is always water.
And I don't much care for water.
I don't really know why. It's essentially free, it's can be very refreshing, and it's good for you. And yet, too many nights I have opened my fridge to find the last carton of Tropicana already gone, only to spend an embarrassing amount of time and energy trying to come up with a solution - any solution - that would make me not have to resort to a plain old glass of water. Almost without fail, the 'alternative' ends up being the worst thing I have ever tasted. Far worse than any glass of water could ever be. In fact, following a particularly horrendous stretch of failure, I now keep an 'emergency stash' of Kool-Aid mix hidden away. Just in case.
I'm aware of how ridiculous this all sounds. I'm not here to try and convince you that I am in the right in this situation. I know that I am not. But that doesn't mean that the enlightened ones that only drink the natural clear stuff are a perfect bunch either. Oh, far from it. In fact, there's a particular breed that not only can I not endorse. I flat out can't hang out with them either.
They are the bottled water purists.
Yes, on paper, this sounds like it's just going to be a lazy rehash of the same Beer Snob post from last week. But these people deserve to be shunned separately. They deserve to be shamed. Because water is water, people. And if you 'love' it out of a bottle but would sooner cut off your own arm than drink a glass filled from a tap, then your issues run much deeper than I could ever possibly hope to shed light on in a simple blog post.
Piggy-backing my sentiments from last week, sure, if you've got a choice, by all means, reach for the bottle. If you're in Mexico, yes, I wouldn't advise taking a drink from a random hose you find on the street either. But if there's not a bottle in sight, you're thirsty, claim to prefer water, and aren't in a third world country? Just turn on the damn tap. The water that comes out has a pretty decent regulation system in place, and the chances of you catching full-blown AIDS is pretty low.
Besides, think about how much extra waste goes into bottled water. Between the factory that bottles it, the trucks that ship it, the plastic they wrap it in, and the very bottles themselves… it's ironically doing an awful lot of indirect, secondhand damage to the very mountain streams that it claims to have been bottled from.
Bottled water is the biggest con that an industry has ever pulled. And society took the bait; hook, line and sinker. Again, as a guy that mostly shuns water, I don't really have a horse in this race. So, I'll go easy on you if, for whatever reason, you claim to simply prefer it from a bottle instead of a tap. It's your money, and as we discovered last week, I'm the last person that should be judging how you spend it. But, if you're thirsty, really thirsty, and the only option is tap water or nothing, and you choose to go without? You got problems, kid.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Friday, January 4, 2013
People That I Can't Hang Out With (Part VI)
What's this? A blog post? How could this be?
A New Year's resolution, perhaps? Well, not really. It's not that I look down on New Year's resolutions in general. They're just not something that I do. And although it seems like the sort of thing that cynical old Travis would look down his nose at from up on his high horse, in this case, if people are trying to improve themselves, then hey, more power to them. But again, it's just not really something I do. Especially the self improvement part.
So, why then did the blog drop off the face of the earth for months only to reemerge on the first Friday of 2013? That couldn't just be coincidence, right? Well, I guess the turning of the calendar did play a small part in me choosing to post today rather than next week or last. But mostly, I was simply ready to come back to it. So, once again... here we are.
Now, if you're thinking something along the lines of: "Hey, he's been gone so long, he must have something really important to say in order to break his silence." Well… prepare to be disappointed. I haven't been in a writer's lab, carefully crafting my stance on topics such as religion or abortion or the death penalty. I haven't been creating my thesis on evolution or sweating over every single sentence and punctuation mark used within a 10,000 word manifesto on the holocaust that took me every single day of the past three months to get just right. Nope. None of that stuff.
In fact, that was part of the problem. Once the weeks had turned into months and eventually entire seasons had passed, it became harder and harder to just open a blank word document and start typing. Not because I had nothing to say, but rather because nothing I say is ever very important. Which, if I'm honest, is the way I like it. But it did feel like: "Man, I've been gone for so long, if I do come back, it's gotta be with a bang. It's gotta be with a purpose. It's gotta be like 'this is what took me so long to say'."
And you would all read along, in full agreement that it was well worth the wait. Tears streaming down your face - with joy one second, and sorrow the next - as the very words before your eyes moved you to emotional depths never before realized. As revelations were made, and as truths were spoken. As every sentence, each it's own finely crafted work of literary art, would make you think that nothing greater had ever been written, only to be exceeded by the next. As everything you'd ever thought or felt, but had never been able to properly express in words, was now laid in front of you in beautiful prose, you would think: I'm surprised it didn't take him longer. And every time I stared at that blinking cursor on that blank page… with that mindset? Well, you can see why it was hard to get going again.
But then I realized something. Who cares? I certainly don't. My two loyal readers certainly don't. And that's why I'm basically just picking up right where I left off. As if nothing ever happened. Which is why I bring you:
People That I Can't Hang Out With (Part VI): The Beer Snob
I like beer. In fact, I always buy myself 'the good stuff'. More expensive, sure, but worth every extra penny if you ask me. I'm this way with a lot of things (mostly food related). Tropicana tastes better than President's Choice orange juice. Maynards brand Swedish Berries are better than the no name equivalent. And if you even consider a brand of Ketchup other than Heinz, well, you should probably just scrape the taste buds off your tongue right now, because you're really not using them properly.
But Travis, you say, I thought this was about how you can't hang out with a Beer Snob? The very portrait of a person that you just painted yourself to be…
Yes, true. After reading that you would certainly be well within your rights to label me as a Beer Snob. I probably wouldn't even put up much of a fight trying to convince you otherwise. But, I honestly don't consider myself one. In fact, I really only even mention my penchant for better quality beers so that you realize that even though I'm claiming I can't hang out with a Beer Snob, that doesn't mean I don't appreciate a good beer. I 'get' being a Beer Snob, I just don't condone it. And even though I can count the number of times I've bought a case of Coors Light on one hand (...of a war vet that lost both his arms in 'Nam), I think there is one very key difference between myself and true beer snobbery:
I will drink the other stuff.
Sure, if I'm at a liquor store, picking out something to put in my fridge at home, I'll always pay a few bucks more and get something I love. Often something European. Always something more expensive. I'm not trying to impress people. I'm not trying to pretend I'm classier than I am. The beers that I 'love' just happen to cost more money than the beers that I simply 'like'. But I still 'like' the other stuff. If I'm out at a bar, and they only have Molson, Coors and Bud on tap? No big deal. Bring me out a Coors, I'll happily drink it.
And I think that's the difference between a person such as myself and an actual Beer Snob. Given the choice between a 'lesser' beer or no beer at all, their mug might actually sit empty. At the very least, they'll make a pretty big stink over it. Look, beer is beer. I'm not saying the difference between 'good' beer and 'lesser' beer is negligible. If it was, then I've been wasting a lot of money over the years. No, there is a difference, for sure. But it's not completely night and day like the Beer Snob would have you believe. Same with Coca-Cola. Same with Doritos Chips. Same with Abercrombie & Fitch. Yes, given the choice, I'll always take a Coke over it's unbranded equivalent, even if it costs a little more. But if I'm at someone's place, and all they have is Western Family Cola, I'm still going to take that over nothing. There's no point in complaining - a 'real' Coke isn't suddenly going to appear out of no where. But that's not really the point is it? A true Snob doesn't only drink the good stuff, no, that's secondary to making sure that you know that they only drink the good stuff. That they have higher standards than you. That they are better than you. I'll gladly pour myself a Dr. Skipper without making a peep about how much better a 'real' Dr. Pepper would be. I don't think a true snob would.
At the end of the day, 'fake' stuff is usually about 80% as good as 'real' stuff. Just because I find the extra 20% worth the extra money, most of the time, doesn't mean that everyone else does. That's a decision for each of us to make on our own. Yes, I consider that the difference in the quality of a Hoegaarden makes it worth the extra cost, but I don't shop at the aforementioned Abercrombie & Fitch. Not because their stuff isn't good. It's just not worth the extra money to me. It might be to you. And that's where we differ. But just because we differ, doesn't make one of us right, and the other of us wrong.
Unless you buy something other than Heinz Ketchup. Then you are a horrible person and are absolutely, scientifically, 100% wrong.
A New Year's resolution, perhaps? Well, not really. It's not that I look down on New Year's resolutions in general. They're just not something that I do. And although it seems like the sort of thing that cynical old Travis would look down his nose at from up on his high horse, in this case, if people are trying to improve themselves, then hey, more power to them. But again, it's just not really something I do. Especially the self improvement part.
So, why then did the blog drop off the face of the earth for months only to reemerge on the first Friday of 2013? That couldn't just be coincidence, right? Well, I guess the turning of the calendar did play a small part in me choosing to post today rather than next week or last. But mostly, I was simply ready to come back to it. So, once again... here we are.
Now, if you're thinking something along the lines of: "Hey, he's been gone so long, he must have something really important to say in order to break his silence." Well… prepare to be disappointed. I haven't been in a writer's lab, carefully crafting my stance on topics such as religion or abortion or the death penalty. I haven't been creating my thesis on evolution or sweating over every single sentence and punctuation mark used within a 10,000 word manifesto on the holocaust that took me every single day of the past three months to get just right. Nope. None of that stuff.
In fact, that was part of the problem. Once the weeks had turned into months and eventually entire seasons had passed, it became harder and harder to just open a blank word document and start typing. Not because I had nothing to say, but rather because nothing I say is ever very important. Which, if I'm honest, is the way I like it. But it did feel like: "Man, I've been gone for so long, if I do come back, it's gotta be with a bang. It's gotta be with a purpose. It's gotta be like 'this is what took me so long to say'."
And you would all read along, in full agreement that it was well worth the wait. Tears streaming down your face - with joy one second, and sorrow the next - as the very words before your eyes moved you to emotional depths never before realized. As revelations were made, and as truths were spoken. As every sentence, each it's own finely crafted work of literary art, would make you think that nothing greater had ever been written, only to be exceeded by the next. As everything you'd ever thought or felt, but had never been able to properly express in words, was now laid in front of you in beautiful prose, you would think: I'm surprised it didn't take him longer. And every time I stared at that blinking cursor on that blank page… with that mindset? Well, you can see why it was hard to get going again.
But then I realized something. Who cares? I certainly don't. My two loyal readers certainly don't. And that's why I'm basically just picking up right where I left off. As if nothing ever happened. Which is why I bring you:
People That I Can't Hang Out With (Part VI): The Beer Snob
I like beer. In fact, I always buy myself 'the good stuff'. More expensive, sure, but worth every extra penny if you ask me. I'm this way with a lot of things (mostly food related). Tropicana tastes better than President's Choice orange juice. Maynards brand Swedish Berries are better than the no name equivalent. And if you even consider a brand of Ketchup other than Heinz, well, you should probably just scrape the taste buds off your tongue right now, because you're really not using them properly.
But Travis, you say, I thought this was about how you can't hang out with a Beer Snob? The very portrait of a person that you just painted yourself to be…
Yes, true. After reading that you would certainly be well within your rights to label me as a Beer Snob. I probably wouldn't even put up much of a fight trying to convince you otherwise. But, I honestly don't consider myself one. In fact, I really only even mention my penchant for better quality beers so that you realize that even though I'm claiming I can't hang out with a Beer Snob, that doesn't mean I don't appreciate a good beer. I 'get' being a Beer Snob, I just don't condone it. And even though I can count the number of times I've bought a case of Coors Light on one hand (...of a war vet that lost both his arms in 'Nam), I think there is one very key difference between myself and true beer snobbery:
I will drink the other stuff.
Sure, if I'm at a liquor store, picking out something to put in my fridge at home, I'll always pay a few bucks more and get something I love. Often something European. Always something more expensive. I'm not trying to impress people. I'm not trying to pretend I'm classier than I am. The beers that I 'love' just happen to cost more money than the beers that I simply 'like'. But I still 'like' the other stuff. If I'm out at a bar, and they only have Molson, Coors and Bud on tap? No big deal. Bring me out a Coors, I'll happily drink it.
And I think that's the difference between a person such as myself and an actual Beer Snob. Given the choice between a 'lesser' beer or no beer at all, their mug might actually sit empty. At the very least, they'll make a pretty big stink over it. Look, beer is beer. I'm not saying the difference between 'good' beer and 'lesser' beer is negligible. If it was, then I've been wasting a lot of money over the years. No, there is a difference, for sure. But it's not completely night and day like the Beer Snob would have you believe. Same with Coca-Cola. Same with Doritos Chips. Same with Abercrombie & Fitch. Yes, given the choice, I'll always take a Coke over it's unbranded equivalent, even if it costs a little more. But if I'm at someone's place, and all they have is Western Family Cola, I'm still going to take that over nothing. There's no point in complaining - a 'real' Coke isn't suddenly going to appear out of no where. But that's not really the point is it? A true Snob doesn't only drink the good stuff, no, that's secondary to making sure that you know that they only drink the good stuff. That they have higher standards than you. That they are better than you. I'll gladly pour myself a Dr. Skipper without making a peep about how much better a 'real' Dr. Pepper would be. I don't think a true snob would.
At the end of the day, 'fake' stuff is usually about 80% as good as 'real' stuff. Just because I find the extra 20% worth the extra money, most of the time, doesn't mean that everyone else does. That's a decision for each of us to make on our own. Yes, I consider that the difference in the quality of a Hoegaarden makes it worth the extra cost, but I don't shop at the aforementioned Abercrombie & Fitch. Not because their stuff isn't good. It's just not worth the extra money to me. It might be to you. And that's where we differ. But just because we differ, doesn't make one of us right, and the other of us wrong.
Unless you buy something other than Heinz Ketchup. Then you are a horrible person and are absolutely, scientifically, 100% wrong.
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