Top 10 Schwarzenegger Movies (#5)

Predator
Character: Dutch
Year: 1987

I'll address your inital concern right now: Yes, I realize that for you this ranking might seem a little low. Perhaps criminally so. And, I'll admit, so far this list has not been without it's faults (the exclusion of Kindergarten Cop was definitely an oversight on my part, as it was easily better than Red Heat). But, while good, and while entertaining, Predator just isn't the ultimate Arnold movie for me.

It has it's classic moments:  The Handshake.  Get to the Choppa.  I Ain't Got Time to Bleed.  And so on.

Sure, the movie drips manliness from every pore, and since we really aren't watching a Schwarzenegger movie for it's carefully crafted plot or the subtle nuances of the character, then I can see how an argument might be made that this sort of ridiculous and over-the-top movie (like Commando before it) is really the perfect Arnold experience. Just sit down, turn off your brain, shove your hand in a bag of popcorn and stare at the sweaty men and shiny explosions.

I get it. I do. I like those kinds of movies as much as the next guy (especially the sweaty men part, RAWR!). So, just because it's not my favourite Arnold movie, doesn't mean I don't still love it. Number five is nothing to sneeze at. I just happen to have four movies that I like a little bit more.

So save your enraged comments for another day, because I'm already a step ahead of you. You would have put it at number one, and I'm a fool for having it at any place else, especially, heaven forbid, as low as number five. I know. Save your breath.

Unless of course you actually were going to leave a comment. Then by all means, please do. It gets so lonely here...

Top 10 Schwarzenegger Movies (#6)

The Running Man
Character: Ben Richards
Year: 1987

There's a lot of predictions made about the future in Schwarzenegger's movies.

A nuclear wasteland run by machines in the year 2029 was the basis of The Terminator.  The Judgement Day that occurred on August 29, 1997 in that movie's sequel and even the amended date of July 24, 2004 in the Rise of the Machines.  Throw in the colonization of Mars by 2084 in Total Recall and human cloning by 2015 in The 6th Day, and Arnold is practically the Nostradamus of 80's action heroes.

That said, of all those aforementioned, science fiction, visions of the future, who would have thought that The Running Man would end up being the most likely to actually happen in real life.  No, not a United-States-turned-police-state, run by a single dictatorship under martial law, but rather the idea of a reality television show where prisoners are hunted for sport and entertainment.  I mean, sure, we haven't gotten that extreme yet, but back in 1987 when the movie came out, there wasn't even such a thing as reality television.  So who knows, by the time we get to 2019 (the films alleged date) we could be seeing such a thing.

Ok, maybe not.  But the reality television prediction was pretty spot-on, you have to admit.

Anyways, I'm not sure what more needs to be said.  The Running Man was one of the first Arnold movies that I ever saw, and it's always remained one of my favourites.  Besides, Richard Dawson, as a villainous game show host?  The only way that could have been better is if they got Bob Barker.

Top 10 Schwarzenegger Movies (#7)

Last Action Hero
Character: Jack Slater / Himself
Year: 1993

Ok, last week I pointed out that, yes, although Arnold is seemingly game to poke fun at himself by appearing in movies like Twins or Kindergarten Cop, in reality, it's more the premise of the movie that is tongue-in-cheek, whereas Arnold still plays a bad-ass without many faults or flaws. 

Therefore it was still tough to get a read on whether or not Arnold actually has a sense of humour about himself, or if he's all pure ego, but is still a savvy enough business man to know that these action-star fish-out-of-water movies are going to have his wallet bursting at the seams. And despite all the Ivan Reitman comedies, I still think that this, the Last Action Hero, is our best proof that although I'm sure the truth lies somewhere in the middle, maybe, just maybe he still leans a little more towards the former than the latter.

Sure, it wasn't very well received at the time, and not a lot of people talk about it when discussions of Arnold's filmography are brought up, but I still really like this movie.  Maybe it's because in 1993, I was around the same age as the young boy with whom the audience is supposed to relate, and therefore maybe I found him less annoying than most people.  But mostly, I think, it's because it really is just a good, solid send up of the action movie genre.

Sure, many have tried, and even more have failed, but making fun of action movies in a smart and clever way is a pretty rare feat to accomplish.  And yes, this is far from a perfect film - or satire - but I think it's a lot better than people make it out to be.  It was a risky maneuver, too, because in order to work, not only does Arnold have to make fun of pretty much every movie that he's ever been in (and risk not being able to do another one ever again with a straight face), but at the same time, it kind of reminds the audience that they're the ones that have been shelling out 12 bucks a pop to enjoy all these obvious cliches and gimmicks over the years.

And maybe that's not the sort of thing you want to remind the audience.

On a side note, this is the last movie that I ever saw at a Drive-In movie theatre.  Man, those were the days.