Regina (a surprisingly 'vagina joke' free post)

Last week’s post was a bit of an accident. It started out with the intention of being nothing more than a brief introduction to the post that I was actually trying to write, wherein the karma stuff would serve to get it started, and after a few quick paragraphs about it, I would tell the Tegan & Sara setlist story before doing a flimsy transition into the real story that I was planning to tell.  As you can see, it soon spiraled out of control, and before I knew it, I hadn’t even gotten to the main story and I was already 2600 words in.

So, I did what any self respecting writer with even a grain of integrity would: I trimmed off all the fat, kept only the most important thoughts and points, told the story that I intended to, and posted the new, concise, and much more focused piece with a sense of great personal satisfaction.

Yeah, right…

Really, I thought to myself ‘sweet, I can actually squeeze two posts out of this turd…’ and clicked ‘submit’ without a second of hesitation. I could worry about the rest of the story later (ie: right now) and better spend the time watching a few episodes of Deadliest Ice Road Cupcake Wars before bed.

So, picking up where I left off last week: I had just told the story of how I selflessly gave up a genuine Tegan set list to the young girl sitting beside me at a Tegan & Sara show. Did I mention how noble it was of me? No? Because really, it was borderline heroic. Anyhoo… what I didn’t tell you was how I came to be at this particular Tegan & Sara show. I know, I know, you’re dying to know. And that’s why I’m going to tell you.

Wait. You’re actually still reading? Bless your heart. I’ll try not to make it too boring. Thanks for indulging me.

First and foremost, you have probably already figured out that this was not the Edmonton show. I mean, it’s pretty obvious with the clues I’ve already given, and you’re not a complete idiot, right? But what you may not know is that when they announced the tour, I had actually told myself that I would only do the Edmonton show this time. In the past I had made the drive to Calgary as well, and while I felt it was absolutely worth it each and every time, I still decided that I would just take in the one show this time around. Then they announced the venue: The Shaw Conference Centre. It's not a bad building, but man, it is definitely one of my least favourite concert facilities in Edmonton. So, already less than thrilled, when the VIP tickets (those which got you the aforementioned meet & greet) sold out instantly, even though I clicked away as quickly as I felt was humanly possible, I found myself more disappointed than excited about the show, once the dust settled.

Then I saw that Saskatchewan was still going on sale in an hour. And I saw that the venue was much more intimate, and would have much better acoustics. And more importantly, when I clicked on the 'buy' button, simply to see what was available before clicking cancel, I saw that not only could I have VIP, but I would also be front row, and just about centre on where Tegan normally stands. And, being a man of weak will, and little self-restraint, instead of 'cancel' I clicked 'accept'.

That's how I found myself on the road to Regina. Driving 16 hours in a 33-hour span, simply to get another meet & greet, and the best concert seats ever. And believe me, it was worth every mile, and every dollar spent on gas and stale gas station hot dogs. I'm not sure if it was the seats, or the venue, or the banter, or what, but the Regina show was much better than the Edmonton show. At least, it felt that way to me. But, I'm getting ahead of myself, because sometimes the journey is more important than the destination. In this case, the destination was pretty awesome, but still, I needed to get there none-the-less, and not wanting to be late, I felt that if I left at 7am, I would arrive at my hotel with 3 hours to spare. Sure, it was another hour to drive to the venue (I took the cheapest hotel I could find, which happened to be in Moose Jaw), but I still figured this would give me plenty of time and room for error.

Well, if you know anything about me and my relationship with mornings, it should come as no surprise that I didn't really get going until about 7:45, but it didn't matter, I still had over an hour of leeway, right? Of course, it wasn't until I noticed five hours into my drive that for some reason my car clock was now different than my phone's clock, that perhaps I was mistaken. You smarty-pants readers at home probably know the simple reason for this already: I had passed into the central time zone. But stupid-pants Travis hadn't considered this at all, And just like that, my last hour of leeway had vanished into thin air. Suddenly I was in the one position that I never wanted to be in.

I was in a rush.

Now, up to this point the roads had been fine. The cruise control had been set to a steady 122 km/h, and really, I could have easily gone faster on such a clean/clear surface, had it not been for my fear of getting nabbed by the Five-O. But now, I suddenly found myself in a hurry. I hadn't showered that morning (figuring I would have plenty of time to kill before the show), and I now had to decide between shaving 20 minutes off the drive and another 20 off by not showering and heading straight for Regina, or risking it all, and sticking to the plan of stopping in Moose Jaw first. My hotel didn't have a late check-in, so it was either head straight to Regina, be super greasy and smelly for my meet & greet, and then have no room to check into once the concert got out and I drove the hour back to Moose Jaw, forfeiting the money I had already paid for the room in the process, or go for it.

I decided to go for it.

With about two hours to go, suddenly the roads got bad. Not undriveable, but any thing over 100 km/h soon became a distant memory. I arrived at my hotel with exactly 11 minutes left to shower if I was to hold any hope of making the meet & greet before the 6pm deadline. I was scrubbed and shampooed in record time, slapped some gel in the hair, brushed my teeth and was on the road with 50 minutes to spare. Of course, Google Maps was predicting it would take me 54 minutes to make the journey, and it was making this prediction based on being able to average the 110 km/h speed limit that spanned the entire stretch of highway between me and my destination. It did not take into the account the Top Ten worst road conditions that I have ever driven on. It did not take into account that this was the photo of Regina that had been tweeted from the International Space station mere moments earlier.

Now, I hesitate to tell the next part of this story, because, well, I'm not proud of it. In fact, I'm damn near ashamed. But, it was a decision I made, so I might as well accept it. You know when the roads are awful (like, the type we’ve had here the past few days…) and you see a guy that's driving way too quickly for the conditions, and you almost wish that he would hit the ditch, just to teach him a lesson? Well, on this particular night, that douche was me. On a highway with a 110 km/h posted speed limit, the conditions were so bad that no one was doing over 70. Even the big jacked up trucks with testicles hanging from the back. Every inch of exposed pavement was pure ice. But, due to a strong, relentless side wind, one that could (and would) easily unsettle any car, there was not much of this exposed pavement visable at all, as it was mostly buried under a blanket drifting snow.

This is what stood between me and destiny. And I had come much too far to give up now. I had been on the road for over eight hours at this point, and I would sooner bury my car in the ditch than have come all this way for nothing. So, I went for it. I threw caution completely (and literally) to the wind, and I went for it. I needed to stay in the 100km/h range, or I stood no chance of making it in time. I could slow to 90 when it got extra sketchy, and could squeeze 110 when it wasn't, but I needed to average triple digits. It was stupid of me. It really was. I was passing cars and trucks like they were standing still. I stopped counting the number of cars and trucks - some rolled on their sides and roofs - buried in the ditch once I ran out of fingers to count them on.

Every part of me was telling me that this was a stupid thing to be doing. But I pressed on. My death grip on the steering wheel was causing my knuckles to turn pure white and numb, aching from the constant pressure being applied to them. The car came completely loose more than once, each time causing my heart to skip a beat before sending needles of cold blood coursing through my veins. My eyes were starting to feel strained from over-use, endlessly darting around on the horizon ahead for any sign of impending danger. But the clock wouldn’t stop relentlessly ticking away - wouldn't stop counting down the minutes until I would inevitably have come a long way for nothing. So, I pressed on.

Of course, you're reading this now, so you know that I made it. It had been one of the stupidest things I've ever done, but I made it. And, I probably shouldn't admit this, but it was absolutely worth it. I burst through the front door at 6:02, collected my VIP laminate, and had my arms around both of them before you could even say ‘hover hands’. Of course, if you read about my last encounter with them, you'd know why I was perfectly happy to be at the back of the line (I felt this got me an extra minute or two of face time last time). So, when suddenly the back of the line became the front, and I was the first one up, I was thrown for a complete loop. My heart was already practically beating out of my chest from the harrowing drive over, and combined with the excitement of the moment, I was pretty frazzled.

But I like to think I did ok. I didn't swing for the fences with some obscure song request like last time (although I did almost laugh when the first thing Tegan said to me was: "Any requests for tonight?") I got a pretty awesome set of autographs (I'm not a huge autograph guy, but the idea I pitched to them was actually pretty clever, if I do say so myself). And, once again, we parted with hugs all around.

It hadn't lasted as long as my previous meet & greet, but combined with the great concert, best-in-house seats, and the swell people that I befriended along the way, like I said, in the end, every mile, dollar and even stupid risk of my very safety had easily been worth it.

(Also, there's no way of knowing for sure, but since me and the girl next to me got tired of everyone sitting down for the entire show, and decided to try and get everyone out of their seat by leading the charge, there is a 28% chance that this tweet is referring to me... )

Karma

I don't believe in karma. Not really. At least, not to the point where I believe that there is some mystical energy keeping track of all good and bad deeds, and this same omnipresent force also doles out the appropriate cosmic reward/punishment for each and every action a person performs. Now, I'm not saying that being a good person and doing good things is completely meaningless either. Au contraire. I very much believe that if you do good things, good things will happen to you. But, I’m saying these good things are more likely the result of human nature than some magical entity that we call karma. If you give off a positive vibe and do good things for people or society in general, then of course, your chances of having good things happen back are increased.

If you help an old lady cross the street, maybe a guy will see you do it and think to himself ‘what a good person’, and maybe he’ll be the one giving you an interview for a new job later that week. And maybe that little deed is what made him choose you over the other candidates. That's not karma - you weren’t owed that job by the cosmos - that's just human nature. More likely nothing tangible would ever come from it, aside from you making an old lady’s day a little better. If you’re a good person, you’re just more likely to be in situations that could result in good things happening for you. Not because of karma, but because other good people are going to gravitate towards you. They tend not to gravitate towards guys that lie, cheat and steal.

So, while I don’t believe in karma, I do still try to do what's 'right'. I mean, that might sound like a no-brainer, but it feels like too many people pick and choose to do the right thing only when it’s convenient for them. It’s good that they ‘try’ to do the right thing most of the time, but imagine how different the world would be if everyone did it all the time.

For example, today I bought some concert tickets. They were only selling 100 of them, and once they were gone, anyone else hoping to attend would have to win their way in. As such, they were in very high demand. I was lucky enough to add a couple to my bin before they sold out, but I easily could have bought a few more and sold them for three of four times what I paid. But that's not really the 'right' thing to do, is it? So, I left those extra tickets to be claimed by another person - hopefully someone that’s as equally grateful as me that they will be able to attend. I didn’t do it because I now think karma will owe me something. Nor was I afraid that bad karma would catch up with me either. Sure, I could have justified scalping those tickets to myself pretty easily, and not lose a wink of sleep over it either. For all I know, the next person did just buy those tickets to sell them 5 minutes later at a huge mark up. That person has no more or less of a right to do it than me, so really, if it was going to happen anyways, why shouldn’t I have been the one to do it?

Justification is such a tricky thing. Rather than actually considering what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’, we spend the majority of our time trying to justify to ourselves how something we know is ‘wrong’ could technically be viewed as ‘right’. Or at the very least, ‘not wrong’. I mean, no one wants to think of themselves as ‘wrong’. I doubt that Charles Manson woke up every day and looked in the mirror and thought ‘you’re wrong, you’re evil, you shouldn’t be doing this… but let’s do it anyways, just because!’ Of course not. As easy as it is for us to see how wrong he was, some part of him must have been convinced that he was right. It’s just human nature. Heck, maybe justification is just a natural reaction your mind has to being wrong. You know, just like you can’t hold your breath until you die, maybe you can’t do wrong without your brain automatically justifying it.

For example, I have a penchant for downloading videos from torrent sites. I know it’s wrong, but I somehow justify it to myself as ‘not wrong’. Basically, for TV shows, I tell myself ‘Hey, I pay for cable, I could be watching these shows as they air, so really, I technically pay for this.’ With movies, I tell myself ‘Hey, if I like a movie, I buy it, I have a ton of DVD’s and Blu Rays on my shelves, so if I download a movie, it’s because I was never going to pay to see it anyways (so it’s not like they were going to get any money from me if I didn’t download it), and if I do like it, I’ll buy it.’

What I don’t want to admit to myself is simple: I’m wrong. I just am. Stealing is stealing, and this is stealing. Every time I click download, I’m spitting all over the tablet that the 8^th Commandment is carved upon. (And the only reason I even know about those tablets is because I downloaded that Charlton Heston movie for free off the internet…) Just because Warner Brother’s is a big faceless corporation, just because one movie viewed for free from one insignificant guy in Canada is barely a drop in the ocean for them either way, just because actors get paid more than they should, and theatres charge too much for their tickets, doesn’t mean I’m magically justified in stealing it. I may think that I’m just balancing out what I perceive to be a discrepancy, but the simple truth is, I want to see the movie, I don't want to pay for it. The ‘right’ answer is to either pay full price or not see the movie at all. But I don’t like that answer. So I make my own answer. And that, my friends, is how society works. People don’t like to accept the cold hard truth, so they go the extra mile to try to justify a new truth. Even if it’s not the ‘right’ truth.

There’s an expression in basketball: “It’s not a foul if the ref doesn’t call it.” Meaning, you can get slapped around and hit all over as you go up for a shot, but it won’t matter one bit unless the ref blows his whistle. Which, really, is just a part of the game. A ref isn’t going to see everything, every time. The part that I find interesting is that because of this, people tend to blame the ref in such instances, more than they blame the person that actually fouled them. That the other player is almost let off the hook - maybe even expected to try get away with however much the refs will allow him to. And while not all of society plays basketball, almost everyone operates under a similar philosophy: if I can get away with it, I should do it. And this might be the biggest reason that society is fundamentally flawed. 

The referee is not the problem. To me, looking to the ref is the same as us looking to the government. Sure there is stuff we need the government to do (just like basketball will always need refs), but when we feel wronged, too often we look to them to solve the problem, rather than looking at the actual source of the problem itself. Adam Carolla makes a great analogy about this type of thing. I’m paraphrasing here, but basically he says that our society is like a capsized boat. All we ever worry about is how to get the boat upright again, but we never concern ourselves with what tipped the boat over in the first place. Sure, we might get it upright again, but that’s not going to stop it from capsizing again later on.

Basically, it’s like this: when I was a kid, we’d go out trick or treating for Halloween. While we were gone there would be no one left at home to hand out candy. So, we left a bowl out front with a ‘Please Take One’ sign next to it. You can probably guess what happened next: Some kid showed up, looked around, saw no one was watching, and dumped the whole bin into his pillowcase. No one else got any candy that night. That’s our society in a nutshell. Sure, a lot of people think ‘That’s terrible…’ but sadly, plenty of people also think: ‘Good for the kid, gotta look out for number one…’ And the problem is, this didn’t just have an affect on one night. Because of it, we didn’t bother putting out candy the next year. So instead of everyone getting plenty of candy for years to come, one kid got a small amount of candy one time. 

Was it my parent’s fault for putting out the candy in the first place? Of course it seems stupid to blame them, all they were trying to do was have candy available for all the kids. They trusted that people would do the right thing. And yet, people are just as likely to say that they 'should have known better' as they are to actually blame the kid for being greedy. It’s almost like, kids are supposed to be greedy. But my parent’s simply should have  known better than to put the candy out in the first place.

But can’t we all agree that society would be better if we could leave out the candy? That even in terms of ‘what’s best for me,' that the kid might have gotten more candy in the long run by being able to come back every year and take his fair share, rather than only getting to take more than his share once?

What if we’re not talking about Halloween candy, either? What if we’re talking about welfare or worker’s compensation? Sure, it might feel like free money to some people, but at the end of the day, that money has to come from somewhere. We’ve all heard the stories of people abusing the system. At some point something is going to have to be done about it. And maybe that ‘something’ will stop the people from abusing it, but also prevent many honest people that actually need these services from getting them too. Wouldn’t it just be easier if no one took welfare unless they really needed it?

And that’s the problem. How do you do that? How do you stop people from being greedy/lazy? Can it even be done? Are we too far gone as a society to ever hope to fix that? Will we always think that one person can’t make a difference? When everyone else is benefiting, and you feel like you’re the one person trying to do what’s right, and it’s not making a difference, it’s pretty tempting to just join back up with everyone else, and at least help yourself out in the process.


So, which is it? Am I a fool for trying to do the right thing, even if it’s sometimes at my own expense? Or am I right to try and lead by example, even if it’s never likely to bring about any change? For example: I was at a Tegan and Sara concert recently. I had really, really (really) good seats in the front row (dead centre on Tegan) and next to me was a young teenaged girl and her mother, who had gotten her daughter the tickets for Christmas, and they had driven up from North Dakota to see the show together. This girl had never been to a T&S show before, and she was super excited. Now, I'm not saying I'm not excited at T&S shows - far from it - but there’s no way my excitement could match that of a teenaged girl, there for the first time. You often hear that having a child is great because you get to experience the world through their eyes, as if for the first time again. Well, this T&S show was like Disneyland, and this little high school lesbian was like having a 4-year-old son. Her excitement. Her false hope (that Tegan would somehow notice her over everyone else in the crowd, and be smitten). Not knowing what to expect, or when to expect it. What songs they might play. What banter they might engage in. Everything. It reminded me of a time long since passed, in which I had gone through the same gamut of emotions at my first show. 



And the show was great. The music was perfect. The banter, epic. And the seats couldn't have been better. And, seasoned veteran that I am, I already knew what the perfect souvenir would be. So, when they took their final bows, and exited stage left, I sprung out of my seat and snagged the set list (the small piece of paper that each artist keeps taped to the floor so they know which song comes next). Now, this wasn't just any set list. This was Tegan's set list. It was a pretty great score. And I was beyond thrilled to now hold it lovingly in my hands. But then I looked over at my new concert buddy, and saw a look on her face that said 'ah, the set list… I never would have thought of that… I'm trying to be happy for you, but I just can’t stop my jealousy from showing…'

 So, after a slight pause, I handed it to her. 

In the moment it felt like the right thing to do. But now, I'm trying to decide whether or not I regret it.

Sure, she absolutely lit up at the gesture. I had probably just put the cherry on the sundae of this already epic trip for her. And it had felt really good as I did it. But at the same time, I easily could have kept it for myself. I hadn't wrestled it out of her fingers. Or pushed her to the ground to make sure I got to it instead of her. It was mine to do with as I pleased. But I've been to many T&S shows. I have a set list already at home (granted, not Tegan's personal one… but still). Maybe she'll never have the chance to go again. Maybe even if she does, she'll never be in range to grab the set list. Maybe I did the right thing. I'm not sure. I really would have liked it for myself. But in that moment, it meant more to her - at her first concert - than it did to me at my… err… not-first concert.



Maybe she'll move onto Lady Gaga in a week and throw the set list away. Maybe she'll cherish it forever. Maybe what felt like the right thing to do to me, now has her laughing with her friends back in Fargo about the sucker that foolishly handed it over, as they post it on eBay. I'll never know. But it sure would be nice if there was such a thing as karma. I mean, not to dislocate my shoulder patting myself on the back or anything, but I think karma would have to reward me pretty big for that one, right?

Aloof

Do girls really like assholes?

I mean, logically speaking, they shouldn't, right? But obviously conventional wisdom has proven that more often than not, they do.  Don't worry. This isn't the 'woe is me' post that most perpetually single, consider-themself-to-be-a-nice-guy-but-can-never-find-a-girlfriend, sexually frustrated dudes like me, might normally be gearing up to make at this point. No, I'm not bitter.

Really, I'm not.

If you're a guy working from a distinct disadvantage (in this case, being an asshole) and can still get many a fine young lady to fall for you, that's no reason for me to be mad at you. What is an asshole supposed to do? Never date? "Sorry, you should put your clothes back on. Jerks like me don't deserve to see naked ladies…" It's not their fault that they're just doing what works. The only person you should be mad at is yourself. You're the one that's working without this disadvantage but is still unable to get the same results. There's no point in getting mad at the ladies either. "Boo hoo… girls say they want a nice guy, but they always end up with jerks." As though a girl might overhear it and think, "you know, that guy has said that 300 times already tonight (and let me tell ya, it gets more attractive each and every time), but he's right…" and boom, suddenly all the ladies in the world will be into the nice guys that complain at parties about not being able to find girls.

When has complaining about the way something fundamentally is, ever changed it? If girls like jerks, then it's your own fault for not being a jerk. Leveling all the blame at the guys that are jerks in the first place or the girls that fall for them is like getting mad at the sky for being blue. The sky doesn't know how not to be blue, it's just doing what the sky does. It's your fault for wishing the sky was red.

The real question you should be asking yourself is 'why is the sky blue?' Or, more specific to this blog, 'why are girls drawn towards jerks?' Although we could try to figure out the sky/blue thing too. I mean… what is it? Like, the reflection of the ocean or something? Wait… why is the ocean blue, then? Is it just a reflection of the sky? But if the sky is just the reflection of the ocean, and the ocean is just a reflection of the sky, then which came first, the sky or the ocean? Wait, what do you mean that they have nothing to do with each other? Man… science is hard.

Err... sorry. Where was I?

Ah, yes. Look, I'm not saying every guy should start acting like a jerk. If a girl was drawn to the sight of a jerk like a bull is drawn to sight of the colour red (yeah, yeah... the whole bull/red thing is a myth… I know. Didn't I already establish my scientific ignorance when I didn't know why the sky is blue?), I'd have done it years ago. Obviously there's much more to it than that. Being a jerk alone isn't the source of the attraction. The key is figuring out what it is that could be so great that makes a jerk's jerkiness worth putting up with. And, when you think about what women are attracted to, and what common traits jerks process, it does kind of all make sense.

First, and most importantly (in my opinion) is the initial: is the person into the other person or not? I've discussed it at length previously, but to recap, a person will overlook and ignore a lot of your flaws if they're really into you. They will go out of their way to spend time with you. They will want to talk to you, be around you, and they want you to want to be around them too. It's simple stuff. Unfortunately, the delusion a lot of guys easily fall victim to is that despite the obvious signs, there's always the chance that she's just 'playing hard to get.' Because that's what girls do when they're super into you: Never call or text you. Find excuses to cancel on you when you're supposed to get together. Date other dudes… All because they're playing 'hard to get.'

But, as it pertains to this discussion, most importantly: if a person is into you, they'll be more apt to look past your flaws. Flaws such as you being a bit of a jerk. Or if they're super starry-eyed-smitten from the start, you being a big old fat jerk. But how does a girl get so 'starry-eyed smitten' to begin with? Is it all just based on how a person looks? Is that what I'm saying? Good looking guys can be jerks, because girls will always fall for them after just one glance?

Well, yes and no.

I don't think that a good looking guy gets up every morning, winks at himself in the mirror and declares "Man, we are one good looking guy, reflection. In fact, we're so good looking that why don't we just be complete jerks to everyone we encounter today? What are they going to do? Not love us? Please… not when we're this good looking!"

Well… maybe some guys do that (I'm looking at you, Hoff). But probably not all of them. That said, even if it's not a conscious decision, I do think that being good looking does make it easier to evolve into a jerk. Not over night. Not over a weekend. But over the course of an entire life? Of course. Look, attractive people will always have it easier than the rest of us. If two people go in for the same job, they have the exact same resumé, are both equally charming during the interview, but one person is good looking and the other is not, guess who the job is going to? Is it fair? Not really. But that's just the way society and human nature works. There's no point in losing sleep over it, that's just the sky being blue.

So, if you're a kid, good looking, and ask to borrow a dollar from another kid to buy a chocolate bar. The kid, naturally inclined to seek the approval of a good-looking alpha male, might go so far as to say "here you go, you can have it." The good-looking kid isn't going to turn down a free chocolate bar, and gladly accepts. Smash cut to a year later, and maybe the good-looking kid doesn't ask to borrow the money anymore. Maybe he's so used to the other kid just giving it to him at this point, that the conversation sounds a little more like "hey, give me a dollar for a chocolate bar."

A jerk is born.

When you don't hear 'no' as much as everyone else growing up, you just kind of get used to hearing 'yes'. And eventually, you're an adult that's used to getting things your way, expects that people want to make you happy, and somewhere along the way, started thinking that you might just be a little bit better than everyone else. It's not necessarily a choice you made, but how else are you going to turn out if that's how people have been treating you every single day of your life? If you were told by every person you ever met, every day of your life, that you were a duck, eventually you'd have to start believing that you were a duck. If everyone treats you like you're better than them, eventually you're going to start thinking you're better than them.

Look, I'm not saying every good looking guy is a jerk. I'm just saying, I can see why attractive people are more inclined to turn out that way.

But, not every girl is so quick to be smitten by a pretty face. In fact, girls are way less concerned with looks than guys are. So, if not looks, what else attracts a girl to a guy on first sight? Well, word on the street is that few things are more appealing to a lady than confidence. And, well… if there's one thing jerks don't seem to lack, it's confidence. Again, not all confident guys are jerks, but almost all jerks are confident. I mean, you almost have to be to get away with it. It's hard to be a sheepish jerk.

So, what does any of this have to do with me? I mean, there must be some connection, right? Otherwise why would I bother mentioning it? Well, funny you should ask. You see, while it's pretty easy to say that being good looking and having confidence are good ways to attract women, I have another theory as to why girls might like jerks. Now, obviously I could never go fully down the jerk road to test this, no matter how much I'd like to try (I can only imagine the look right now on the poor bastard's face that accidentally stumbled upon this blog after Googling 'Jerk Road' expecting to get something completely different…), but on a scale of Friendzone Tool to Complete Asshole, I have dabbled in the Aloof area of the spectrum a bit. Now, the theory behind Aloof is that if a girl is good looking, then most guys will bend over backwards to please her. They'll do favours for her, buy her things, and find any excuse that they can to be in the same room with her. And I can only imagine that while flattering (and I'm sure they'd never want it to stop), at some point it also becomes a bit tedious.

So, by that logic, if every guy is constantly fawning over them, wouldn't the guy that didn't fawn at all, stand out just a little bit? Not a lot. But at least a little bit. No drunken texts sent at two in the morning declaring love, no flimsy excuses as to why you need to meet up on Saturday night for dinner, no Valentines chocolates 'because we're such good friends…' None of it. Just complete indifference. "Ya, you can pick up that CD you wanted to borrow, but make it quick, I've got things to do." You can see how it's sort of like a distant cousin of the jerk, but without, you know, the complete jerkiness.

I think it's rooted somewhat in the 'people want what they can't have' theory. Sure, as much as you'd like to look at an attractive girl across the room at a party, have her look back at you, give each other a quick once over, nod in agreement of mutual attraction, and then spend the rest of your lives together, really, that's no fun. There is some thrill in the chase. If a girl is used to always getting who and what she wants, then it doesn't matter if she actually wants you, just knowing that she can't have you is enough to make her want to prove that she could get you if she really wanted to. It's sort of like, "wait, I'm supposed to be the one that's not interested in you… not the other way around." It's the reason rock stars almost never end up dating their fans. Most of the time they prefer someone that has basically never even heard of their band before. Why? Because a fan is just sitting there waiting to be given the green light to pounce, the non-fan has to be chased.

Does it work? Well, in my experience, not really. It still comes down to whether she's into you, or she isn't. Again, not much is ever going to change that. There's a big difference between 'thrill of the chase' and 'thrill of the never-going-to-happen.' But, I will say this, in the small bit that I've dabbled with aloof, I can see why it works. I can see why, when cranked up to 'jerk' levels, a girl can basically wonder to herself 'man, nobody ever talks to me or treats me like that, why isn't he doing whatever I say, and telling me I'm beautiful all the time, like every other guy I know?' and it's almost fascinating to them. And they start to think about it some more. And then again at work the next day. And just like there's no such thing as bad publicity, soon, all that matters is that the only guy she's thought about in the last few days was the jerk. Does it matter why she's thinking about you, so long as it's you that she's thinking about? Well, girls always seem to end up with assholes, so I guess the answer is obvious.

(In case it's not that obvious… Yes. The answer was yes.)