Man Crush After Math Part II

Ok, only a few more loose ends to tie up and then I can finally stop relying on this Man Crush crutch and actually come up with something else to write about on this Blog.  Don't get too excited though, it's probably just going to be more lists.

Speaking of which…

The Guys That Society Tells Me I Shouldn't Like, But I Kinda Do Anyways Top 5.  These are guys that aren't quite Man Crushes, but I still kind of have a soft spot for.  Guys that it's not really socially acceptable to be a fan of, but I am anyways.  These aren't honourable mentions, or really even Man Crushes, per se.  But I felt they deserved someone to stick up for them, and I felt that that someone should be me.


#5: Jay Leno
I don't like Leno's show.  Let me just clear that up right here and now.  The Tonight Show is definitely a last resort for me when it comes to late night television viewing.  Obviously Leno took his lumps during the whole Conan fiasco; Conan was the guy that the young and hip sided with, and Leno was the heartless dinosaur that stole his job back by having the audacity to get better ratings (although yes, I mostly sided with Conan at the time as well).  Granted, Leno's 'safe' style of humour that seems to draw the red state viewers in droves isn't exactly great... but it isn't terrible either.  So, is accepting your old job back so you can make millions of dollars doing what you love again really that heinous of an offense?  No.  Not really.

So even though I don't care for Leno's show or his style of humour, I still think he got a bit of a bum rap in the whole Conan vs NBC drama, when really it was the NBC executives to blame for handling things so poorly.  That said, just being able to defend his flaws isn't reason enough for me to semi-like him.  No.  The reason that he's on this list is simple:  Leno might very well be the greatest 'car guy' on the planet.  His collection is astoundingly impressive, and the whole operation that he runs out of his garage is beyond awesome.  He has done exactly what I would do if I had the bankroll that he has, and when that's the case, then a man is legitimately deserving of my respect and partial man-love.
Proof of Semi-Awesomeness

#4: Tom Cruise

I've said my piece on Scientology already, so there's no need to start repeating myself with another long-winded diatribe about it's lesser qualities.  Obviously Tom Cruise is one of the first names you think of when that so-called religion is mentioned, and when you find someone's entire belief system to be unfathomably stupid, it's hard to say that you respect them.  But I do.  Tom Cruise is really good at what he does.  He makes damn good movies and knocks his roles out of the park on a consistent basis.  He does a lot of his own stunts, particularly motorcycling ones (MI:2 and Knight and Day), and from everything I've ever heard or read, people say that he's one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet in Hollywood.

Obviously he's been in a PR free-fall ever since he took to Oprah's couch, but I'm going to stand by him anyways.  His movies entertain me, and really, who is he hurting with his vocal support of Scientology?  Most people know to just tune him out when he starts into those spiels anyways, and I can almost respect (there's that word again) someone that is so passionate about something they believe in.  Even if it is complete horse shit.
Proof of Semi-Awesomeness

#3: Leonardo DiCaprio
Just another pretty-boy Hollywood actor.  A guy that only dates supermodels and is most famous for his role in the biggest chick-flick of all time (no, not Shutter Island… the one with the boat).  So it stands to reason that he should be hated by everyone with a Y chromosome.  And yet, here we are.  Similar to the previous name on this list, it's obvious that a good body of work can often make up for any perceived short-comings.  And as an actor, Leo rarely leads you astray. 

Plus, he sits court-side at most Laker games, which, after Leno's Car Collection, is the next thing I would do if I was suddenly in possession of their healthy bank accounts.  Well, maybe not Laker games… I'm not ready to sell my soul that thoroughly just yet (although Kobe was pretty close to making this list as well).
Proof of Semi-Awesomeness

#2: Justin Timberlake

Boy Band.  Those two words alone should make his name on this list completely inexcusable.  Britney Spears (the ridiculous 2001 version), Alyssa Milano, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel… just 4 more bullet points of jealousy to add to the 'indefensible' argument.  In fact, if I may so bold as to lay a pretty heinous pun on you: on paper this entry seems damn near… unjustifiable.  Get it?  Because his first solo album was called Justified?  Because his name is Justin… ah, never mind.

In spite of all this, I like Justin Timberlake.  He seems like a pretty funny guy, willing to poke fun at himself, and seems to appreciate the position that he's in.  Most of the things that he does are the same things that any guy in his mid-twenties would do given the same circumstances.  And I hate to say it, but my toe will often start tapping every now and then when a catchy tune comes up on the radio that has been penned by the one they call JT.  Which, as far as nicknames go, is just more fodder for the 'unforgivable' argument that seems to be a running theme in this entry.
Proof of Semi-Awesomeness

#1: Ben Affleck
Bennifer. Gigli. Reindeer Games. Daredevil. Pearl Harbour.  That terrible Aerosmith Song that was huge because of Armageddon (and I like Aerosmith...)  There are a million reasons to hate Ben Affleck.  And I can only think of one reason why I don't: Kevin Smith.  Maybe I shouldn't put so much stock in one man's word, but he claims Affleck is a really good dude.  And he's told enough stories to make me believe him.  Plus, the more I think about it, aside from some really poor movie choices and one really poor girlfriend choice, what have I ever heard bad about the guy?

Besides (and I don't say this to lessen the value of the number one spot on this list - which it surely will) any excuse to get the famous Sneep ire up in regards to the man he lovingly refers to as 'The Flick' is a win in my books.
Proof of Semi-Awesomeness

Sorry, Sneep.  But I stand by his ranking

To make it up to you for the keyboard you just undoubtedly smashed in anger, let me give you your wish: a ranking of the BMW Films from worst to best.

8. Chosen
7. Ambush
6. Beat the Devil
5. Hostage
4. Star
3. The Follow
2. Powder Keg
1. Ticker

There.  We Cool?
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Man Crush After Math

[Sigh]

I'm going to miss you Man Crush List.  You've been good to me.  Not only have you been a solid source of content for this blog on a weekly basis, but you've also been - dare I say - an enjoyable endeavour. 

That said, I made the list back in March, and while I feel I gave it as much thought as possible at the time, over the course of writing each individual entry it became apparent that the list was a bit flawed.  Some names were higher than they should have been, and others much, much lower.  But I stuck to the list as it had been written, if for no other reason then the sheer difficulty if would have taken to go back and start swapping positions once the posts had already been published.

Of course, now that the last name has been revealed, and I have the luxury of hindsight, I feel I should give you the revised list.  The order I would put the names in if I made the list today.

But first…

Some Honourable Mentions.  These were the names that didn't quite make the cut, but should still be given their proper dues.

HM#1: Bret McKenzie
One of my biggest regrets from the Man Crush List was not giving Bret his rightful place within the Top 25.  For some reason it felt like once I had put one guy from a given show on the list, that I was being redundant by putting anyone else from that show on it - seeing as how the show had already been properly represented.  But that's stupid.  This was not a Top TV Shows list.  It was a Man Crush List.  And I have a Man Crush on Bret McKenzie.  It is a borderline crime against humanity not to have him on the list where he belongs.
Proof of Awesomeness

HM#2: Michael Cera

Everything I just wrote about Bret could be cut and pasted right here.  I stand by my decision to have Will Arnett appear as the face of Arrested Development, but I easily could have tried to find a place for David Cross as well as Mr. Cera.  And not just for Arrested Development either.  David Cross has some great stand up as well as the criminally underrated Mr. Show to hang his hat on, and Michael Cera has more than held his own on the big screen.

Proof of Awesomeness

HM#3: Jack Black
A lot of people are tired of Jack Black.  They think he's a one trick pony, and grew bored with his schtick many, many years ago.  Not me though.  He still brings a smile to my face every time he graces the screen.  I can't argue against the one trick label that has been placed on him, but really, when you think about it, aren't most celebrities?  I know all of my honourable mentions have been thus far.
Proof of Awesomeness

HM#4: Craig Ferguson

If you trace my ancestry, you won't get very far before you realize that I'm pretty much fully Scottish.  My dad was born and lived there until he was 8, and my mom's side of the family is only a generation or two off the boat.  I don't know if this has anything to do with why I'm so endeared by Scots, but as it stands, Craig Ferguson might be my favourite late night host on television.  Sure, Conan made the Top 25 and Craig didn't.  But that's simply because Conan has been making me laugh for longer.  If his new show doesn't pan out, and Craig keeps doing what he's doing, this time next year Mr. Ferguson might be the sole late night host to grace the 25.

Proof of Awesomeness

HM#5: Charley Boorman
It's no secret that I love The Long Way Round.  Heck, Randy and I even paid pretty decent homage to it once.  Sure, a lot of my love for Long Way could be attributed to both my affection toward motorcycles and my love of traveling (and Ewan certainly didn't hurt either) but a big component of it was definitely Charley.  Not enough to get him in the Top 25, but enough to earn him this well deserved Honourable Mention.
Proof of Awesomeness


Other Honourable Mentions:
Kevin Spacey, Rhys Darby, Charles Barkley, Will Ferrell and Bill Simmons.


And now that that's out of the way, I present to you the revised Top 25 (previous position in brackets):

25 Tony Jaa (24)
24 Ryan Reynolds (17)
23 Gerard Butler (16)
22 Gord Downie (18)
21 Jeremy Clarkson  (25)
20 Conan O'Brien (15)
19 Robert Downey Jr (13)
18 Adam Baldwin (14)
17 Bret McKenzie (--)
16 Will Arnett (19)
15 Christopher Walken (22)
14 Bill Murray (20)
13 Matt Damon (12)
12 Nathan Fillion 11)
11 Trey and Matt (21)
10 Jason Statham (10)
9 Jason Lee (8)
8 Clive Owen (9)
7 Adam Carolla (7)
6 Jemaine Clement (6)
5 Jackie Chan (4)
4 Kevin Smith (3)
3 Ewan McGregor (2)
2 Dave Grohl (5)
1 Steve Nash (1)
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#1: Steve Jobs

Best Known For: CEO of Apple

We all bow to his glory, as he rains down product after brilliant product upon us mere mortals.  He always gives the end consumer exactly what they want, and never holds back features or restricts user access.  Like any good CEO, he understands that his company was built on being the alternative to the larger monopoly, and he would never turn around and suddenly start acting worse than that evil empire which he was trying to topple once he had his foot in the door. 

Not one single person blindly follows him, assuming his products are without flaw or fault.  No, his herd of tech-savvy sheep are intelligent enough to question him at every turn, and make sure that his products truly are better than the alternative prior to laying down their hard earned cash.

And of course, most importantly, because of him I can finally start to wear my black turtleneck sweaters with pride once more.

Steve Jobs truly is greatness personified, and I would be remiss if I didn't... B-ah, I can't keep up this ruse.  No, Steve Jobs is not Number 1.  I was just kidding, Hoff. Didn't mean to hassle you...

And although I have been known to drink the Apple Kool-aid more than I care to admit, there's just simply no way that Mr. Jobs could top this prestigious list.  But... that's not to say that it won't be a different Steve.  In fact, it's time to get down to the brass tax of revealing the most obvious Number 1 in the history of lists.  Cue the anti-climatic drum roll please...
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Man Crush #1: Steve Nash

Best known as: Point Guard for the Phoenix Suns

I love basketball.

And, before you go dismissing this statement as my usual overwrought hyperbole, know that I strongly believe that 'love' is a very overused and under-appreciated word.  Heck, I've probably used it more than I should already over the course of this silly Man Crush Countdown.  But, I assure you, even knowing that with each use the word is devalued a little bit more, I stand by this statement wholeheartedly:

I love basketball.

There has been no greater source of joy or frustration in my life.  I've tried - and failed - many times to put my love of basketball into words.  And long ago I concluded that it just simply cannot be done.  There's no tangible thing that I can say to make someone understand how great the game truly is.  You either 'get it' or you don't.  You either love it or you don't.

And I do.

Although, I will admit, not as much as I used to.  From 1995 to 2000 you could easily describe my feelings toward basketball as a borderline obsession.  And I couldn't argue.  It was.  I would spend every chance I got playing.  After school, during school, evenings, weekends, holidays.  You name it.  Even at school dances (when school dances were a choice between attending the dance or doing work in the classroom, of course you'd choose the dance, but we'd spend the entire time pulling down balloons and playing basketball with them on the hoops that had been folded against the wall).

If the gym was open to play in during lunch hour, I didn't eat, would head straight to the gym, play for as long as I could, leaving just enough time to grab my books and get to my next class.  This would leave me having to then try to find time to scarf down my lunch between periods, and, since the time it took to shower after playing was 5 minutes that could be better spent on the court, I'm sure I looked like a sweaty mess and stunk something fierce for the remainder of the day as well.  Needless to say, the ladies loved me.

But I didn't care.  I could make up for the lost time with the ladies once I got to the NBA.  Which, while I didn't really consider this as a possibility, I also didn't not consider it a possibility.  What can I say? I was young and naïve.

That's not to say my world came crashing down the day I realized that I did not (and never would) have what it took to play at a higher level, but I still remember the moment of this realization very vividly.  It was at the 1997 NBA Hoop It Up 3 on 3 Tournament.  Each year they would have a guest come out, and usually it was a player in the NBA.  This particular year it was a young man named Steve Nash.  Now at this point in time I could tell you almost anything about the NBA.  History.  Stats.  Rosters.  You name it.  So I knew who Steve Nash was, but I didn't know who Steve Nash was.  Yet.

All you really need to know about my Nash love is this: not only did I create the above clip, but in spite of it's inherently creepy nature, it still brings a smile to my face every time I listen to it.

All I really knew was that he was  one of the three Canadian players in the league at the time (along with Rick Fox and three-time NBA World Champion Bill Wennington) and that he was the third string point guard on the Phoenix Suns (behind Jason Kidd and Kevin Johnson).  As such, I kind of assumed he wasn't very good.  Granted Jason Kidd was one of the best young point guards in the world at the time, and Kevin Johnson was still winding down his brilliant career, but I thought that if you were the back up to the back up you couldn't have been that great.

And then I sat down to watch his skills clinic…

Leo Rautins was on the microphone, breaking it down about the many faucets of the game, and Steve simply tried to demonstrate whatever the given topic happened to be.  The dribbling was crisp and pure, sure, but my jaw wasn't on the floor or anything… until they started talking about shooting.  And, just so you know, I say this without exaggeration: I don't think he missed a single shot during the entire demonstration.  3's, free throws, jump shots, it didn't matter.  Every shot he took went in.  I had never seen anything like it before in my life.  It was in that 10 minute stretch, as my mouth sat agape with disbelief that I knew I would never play in the NBA.  If the third best point guard on a marginal playoff team was that good, then I would never stand a chance.

But aside from pulling my head out of the clouds, it was also the moment that Steve Nash was officially 'on my radar'.  Shortly afterward he was traded to the Dallas Mavericks, and my excitement grew, as they already featured one of my favourite players in the league at the time - Michael Finley.  And although Steve's production went up now that he had a starting job, he still hadn't done much to elevate himself above the legions of good players in the league.  And then came the 2000 Sidney Olympics.  With maybe the exception of Manu Ginobili in 2004*, I have never bore witness to a performance like the one Nash put on that summer.  The heart, passion and flat out ability that he displayed during that unexpected run was unbelievable.  By the time the tears had dried from his eyes after that heart-wrenching post-loss interview, he had earned a new fan for life.

Sure, Hakeem Olajuwon made this list on basketball abilities alone, so it stands to reason that Nash could as well.  But Number 1?  There must be more to it than that.  I mean, he wasn't even born in Canada, so it's not entirely a patriotic thing - although he's been here since he was 18 months old, so he's still a true Canadian in my eyes.  No, in the end it comes down to him just being an honestly good person, and a fun lovin' and funny dude.  But maybe most importantly of all, in a league where the superstars are brash and cocky, he is not.  Instead he's modest to a fault.  Genuinely humble.

And you won't find too many other humble 2-time League MVP's.

Proof of Awesomeness:

*Obviously the Nash performance is closer to my heart as it was for Team Canada, but I did almost buy a Ginobili Argentina jersey after watching him during 2004.  I still think the Nash performance was better, but it gets swept a little under the rug in the annuls of Olympic History as they failed to advance past the quarterfinals whereas Ginobili won gold, and it was the first time that anyone besides the USA had done so since allowing NBA players to compete in 1992.  Which was a pretty big deal.

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Man Crush #2: Ewan McGregor

Best Known For: Star Wars

I don't actually like that many of Ewan's movies.

That's not to say that he's a bad actor, or that he only does bad movies.  More so that he just doesn't have any movies that I would consider to be in the pantheon of my movie loving heart.  I'm a Star Wars guy, sure, but the 'new trilogy' is definitely not the reason why.  Trainspotting was good, as was Black Hawk Down.  But that's 5 films.  Out of his entire filmography, I can only think of 5 films to list.  And I don't really even like 2 of them.

Granted, this list isn't solely about an actor's body of work, but it does feel kind of weird to have a guy sitting at the number 2 spot on this list, while still not considering his movies to be required viewing.  If Kevin Smith comes out with a movie, I will see it.  Even after Cop Out.  Ewan, however... I haven't even seen any of the movies that he's been in since The Island.  And that came out in 2005.

Deception looked interesting, and I wanted to see The Men Who Stare at Goats, but I never got around to it.  When Tony Jaa comes out with a new movie, I'm willing to push an old lady down a flight of stairs if she's standing in the way of me getting to the theatre.  The phrase 'I never got around to it' isn't even a possibility.  Yet Tony Jaa barely made the Top 25 and Ewan is at Number 2.  Number freakin' 2!

As such you might conclude that my list making abilities are slightly suspect.  That perhaps I need to take a good long look at the criteria in which I built this list upon and reevaluate how I do things.  But I beg to differ.  I think, if anything, it's further proof just how strong my Man Crush for Ewan is that I don't really even like what he does, and yet I'm still manamoured with him.

You see, this list was built with an emphasis on one thing above all else: personality.  Ewan just seems like a fun-loving, down to earth, genuinely good dude.  The type of guy that you would actually want to be friends with.  Jason Statham?  I'm not sure.  I don't really have a sense of what his personality might be away from the camera.  I get a good vibe, sure, but if someone told me he was a complete asshole, I wouldn't be able to defend him, because I honestly wouldn't know.  He's a guy that makes the list for seeming awesome, and making the kind of movies that I like.  Ewan makes it because despite not making the type of movies that I like, I'm almost positive that he's awesome.  If he's not, it's easily one of the most elaborate and convincing jobs that anyone has ever done to hide the fact that they're really just a douche.

So how did I get this seemingly impossible proof that Ewan is so great?  Well, The Long Way Round, of course.  I don't know if Ewan would have even cracked my Top 100 back in 2004, and I've only seen 2 of his movies since watching the glory that is Long Way, and I assure you, those 2 movies (Revenge of the Sith and the aforementioned The Island) are not what shot him to damn near the top of this very-difficult-to-succeed-on list.

And before you cry foul, Long Way alone is not the sole reason that he's here.  But it certainly was the genesis.  I knew who Ewan was prior, sure, but without Long Way I definitely wouldn't have made every appearance he's had on Craig Ferguson part of my must-see-tv viewing schedule.  Those appearances backed up everything I assumed about Ewan after having watched Long Way, and cemented his Man Crush legacy in stone.  Speaking of which…

Proof of Awesomeness:

 

Sorry to make you click over to the actual YouTube page, but once again the good old copyright issue has come up for this clip, and I just can't be bothered to re-encode it and host the clip myself just to save you from having to navigate to another site.  I do much prefer embedding a clip, but not that much.

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