My Summer of B-List Celebrity Encounters, Part 1

It was the evening of July 3rd.  I sat, alone, not only in the hotel's lounge, but also in the city of Saskatoon.  It was probably safe to say that I didn't know a single person within a 300 km radius.  Some might find this awkward - to travel alone, to be alone in a strange city - but I've always been kind of fond of it.  Not for excessive stretches of time, mind you, just every now and then.

There's just something about doing things at your own pace.  Not having to consider, even for a moment, what another person is thinking or how they are feeling.  There is no discussion about where to eat, how to pass the down time or whether or not everyone is enjoying themselves.  There's no one else to blame for a poor decision, and no worrying that you are being blamed if the poor decision was yours.  It's very liberating.  But it is most certainly not for everyone.

My current situation was proof of that.  Riding alone on a highway was no big deal to me.  Nor was attending the concert by myself.  But in this moment, trying to enjoy a drink, alone, in a mostly-empty hotel lounge, I was suddenly very aware of my solidarity.  Some people would never eat at a restaurant alone, or watch a movie in a theatre alone.  They think that doing such things by one's self is sad, and that the people that do, deserve their pity.  I've never had a problem with it, personally.  Most things are decidedly more fun shared in the company of others, sure, but I've never worried too much about the stigma of doing something on my own, either.

This was different.  This was a social situation, and I was doing it quite anti-socially.  I was not chatting with the bartender; I was not trying to engage with what little other patronage occupied the place; I was simply sitting at a table, and having a beer.  Despite my discomfort with the situation, I still felt even more silly sitting up in my room, flipping through channels on the television.  This was a mini-vacation, and I could do that at home. 

That may seem like reason enough for me to be down in the lounge, but, if I'm honest, that's not why I was there.  You see, I don't really believe in random luck.  Winning the lottery is the very definition of luck, sure, but true luck would be winning the lottery without ever having bought a ticket.  So, although I don't play the lottery, or really even agree with it (and the false-hope that it gives to poor, stupid and lazy people), I still believe, that by buying a ticket, you have had a slight hand in making your own luck.  However misguided it might be.

On this particular night, my definition of luck would be for something exciting to happen.  The concert had been great, as always, but the night was still young, and I was not ready for it to end.  I didn't know what I was hoping for, exactly, all I knew was that had I been sitting up in my room watching tv, the chances for something exciting to happen would have been next to none.  And, although this lounge didn't seem to be much better at this particular moment, it still had potential.  That's when I looked up from my half-empty glass of beer, and saw the tiny frame of none other than Sara Quin making her way across the hotel lobby.

If some people don't understand how I can travel by myself, then you had better believe that even more people don't understand my love for Tegan and Sara.  In this case, I had seemingly rode all the way to Saskatoon just to see them in concert, which, on it's own, does sound a little excessive.  And, admittedly, without the Tegan and Sara concert to attend, I would not have been in Saskatoon at that very moment.  But that alone was not the sole reason that I had gone.  Truthfully, I had been looking for a small trip that I could take on my motorcycle that summer, and the concert just happened to make a perfect destination.  Without the concert I would not have gone on the bike trip, sure, but without the bike trip I would not have gone to the concert either.

Of course, that might not have been the case, had I known I might have the chance to meet Sara Quin.  Which, all of sudden, I did.

I'd like to say that the story ended happily ever after.  That Sara spotted a lone patron in the lounge and, on a whim, decided to befriend him.  But this was not the case.  Seemingly intent on her goal - the lobby elevator - she strode with purpose towards it, and away from me.  It was in that moment that I needed to make a quick decision.  I could spring up from my table, vault over the lounge railing, make the staff think I was skipping out on my bill, and sprint half way across the room in hopes that I might make it to the elevator at the same time as she did; or I could do what I actually ended up doing.

Nothing at all.

I stayed where I was, finished my beer, and wallowed in my own cowardice.  Luck had presented itself to me that night, but I had not seized it.  Instead, I accepted that my chance for excitement had been squandered, and the evening had passed me by.  Perhaps my time would have been better spent up in my room, watching tv, after all.  All I could do was try to convince myself that the acrobatic display that would have been required to make mine and Sara's paths cross, likely would have freaked her out far more than it would have created the foundation of a lasting friendship. 

Besides, I knew I would have another chance to meet her in the following days, but that my friends, is a story for another day…
.

Top 10 Schwarzenegger Movies (#1)

The Terminator
Character: The Terminator
Year: 1984

Let's face it, the sequel is never better than the original.  Bigger?  Sure.  More action packed?  Of course.  But better?  Rarely.  The Dark Knight, The Road Warrior, The Empire Strikes Back, and The Wrath of Khan. Those are the exceptions.  I could be talked into The Godfather Part II and maybe even The Two Towers as well, but for the most part, the list ends there.

So, what about Terminator 2?  It's not only on everybody else's list, but in most cases it's in the number one spot.  What gives?

Ok, I'll admit it, Terminator 2 is a fantastic movie.  I'll even go one further and cede the point that, in almost every regard, it is the superior movie.  The film making is more proficient, the pacing is better, and the message that the movie makes is much stronger.  Throw in the revolutionary special effects and just the impact that the movie had on society and pop culture in general, and it's easy to see why people feel this way about it.

But I still like the first one more.

Sure, it doesn't look as shiny, and the effects don't hold up nearly as well as the second one's do by today's standards, but the first Terminator will always be ranked higher than the second in my eyes.  And for me, it's because of the story.  As much as the second one has a more poignant and sweeping message about humanity, at the end of the day, the first movie is much more ingenious.  Maybe not better - I relent, T2 does belong on the list of sequels that are better than the original - but smarter.  Remember, this is still a list of my 'favourites', and not an objective, definitive list of the 'best'.  And while I love Terminator 2, I've always loved the original Terminator just that much more.

Top 10 Schwarzenegger Movies (#2)

Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Character: The Terminator
Year: 1991

I feel like this write up is only going to serve to make me sound like a complete hypocrite.  I can already tell that it will be riddled with contradictions.  You see, although I obviously love this movie (#2 is no small feat) I do have a few beefs with it.  And these beefs are going to sound unjustified, seeing as how I praised other movies on this list for practically the very things that I am now complaining about.

For starters, I was quick to defend Jim Belushi and Tom Arnold.  This will not be the case for Edward Furlong.  I should apologize to my sister now, as even whispering such blasphemy will probably make her want to murder me and bury my corpse out in the woods under a large pile of the old Teen Beat Magazines that once littered her room back in the day, but every time I watch Terminator 2 again, he annoys me just a little bit more than the last time.  And having re-watched every movie on this list over the course of making it, I must say, that during this most recent viewing, he was almost unbearable.  He has moments where he's not terrible, but they're so few and far between that they are almost instantly forgotten the moment his next annoying scene soils its way onto the screen.

Next, much like many other movies on this list, Terminator 2 has a near-perfect mix of action and humour.  But for some reason, here, it rubs me a little wrong.  Not all of it, just mostly the one-liners.  I know they try to justify it as him being able to learn to be more human the longer he spends around people, but I still just can't help but find it all a little out of character, especially compared to the no-nonsense Terminator in the first film.

But again, these are all minor complaints.  At the end of the day, there is a lot to love about this movie, and love it I most certainly do.  Even when the Edward Furlong character rears it's ugly head.  No, 13-year-old Bonnie, I didn't say that he has an ugly head... Please, just put down the knife... NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Top 10 Schwarzenegger Movies (#3)

Total Recall
Character: Douglas Quaid
Year: 1990

I don't know why Arnold is so well suited to Science Fiction.  Maybe it's because his unrealistic physique just doesn't make that much sense unless he's a cybernetic organism or fighting predators from space, or, in this case, is a secret agent from Mars.

It would be hard for him to play a mild-mannered computer programmer from Iowa because at some point you as the audience would have to ask: 'Wait? This nerdy computer guy works out for 4 hours every day?'  And as much as we're willing to suspend disbelief from time to time, that might just be too hard of a pill to swallow.

As such, almost all of Arnold's movies have had a Fantasy or Sci-Fi undercurrent to them, and often these movies are the best of his filmography.  Of course, sometimes they can be the worst as well (I'm looking at you Batman & Robin…)

But Total Recall definitely falls under the 'best' heading, and if you couldn't already tell by it's ranking on this list, I love this movie.  Not just for the classic Arnold elements, not just for a young Sharon Stone, not even for the three-breasted mutant prostitute.  Nope, this just a good movie (although when you're 12, a three-breasted mutant prostitute never hurts…)

Now if we can only stop Hollywood from shamelessly trying to remake such a cinema classic, we'll be a better society overall.  (Actually, I hate to say it, but a gritty, realistic, toned-down version of Total Recall could actually be really good, no matter how much it spits in the face of one of my all-time favourite movies growing up… that said, I still can't see Colin Farrell doing proper justice to the all-important delivery of the line 'Come on, Cohaagen! You got what you want. Give those people air!')

Top 10 Schwarzenegger Movies (#4)

True Lies
Character: Harry Tasker
Year: 1994

I defended Jim Belushi in my Red Heat write up (well, not so much defended, as expressed my indifference) so I suppose I should do the same for Tom Arnold as well.  Because I kind of like Tom Arnold.  Yet, he seems like one of those names that society has predetermined that you're not supposed to like and as soon as you bring him up in conversation, there seems to be a negative sigma that automatically comes along with him.  And I'm trying to figure out why.

Is it the Roseanne thing?  Or just his personality in general?  I suppose that he has been in a lot of sub par movies, but still, the automatic hatred people have towards him seems to far exceed anything that he could have possibly done to deserve it.  My only real exposure to him has been the few times that he's been a guest on the Adam Carolla Show, and he's come off as a genuine and funny guy, with a lot of smart and interesting things to say.

Of course, my other exposure to him is True Lies.  And he's very good in it.  Dare I say, maybe even a scene-stealer (and it isn't easy to take the spotlight away from Arnie).  They got the tone of this movie just right.  The action to comedy to over-the-top to entertainment ratios of this film are perfect.  Both Arnold's (Tom and Schwarzenegger) knock it out of the park.

Speaking of which, this list isn't about Tom, it's about the other Arnold, so it's probably best if I take a few minutes to talk about… Bill Paxton.  See what I did there?  We call that the old bait 'n switch.  But seriously, this is the second of three Arnold movies that Bill Paxton will appear in on this list, and it's easily his biggest and best role out of the three.  And once more, his part is pitch perfect to go along with the rest of the movie.

Anyways, even though I've gushed enough (albeit not very much about the one Arnold that this list suggests that I should), I'd be remiss if I didn't give James Cameron his well-deserved credit as well.  Although, I suppose I could save that for later, since the rest of this list is going to see his name come up on more than one occasion.  Which is kind of strange when you consider that he's not even a name that comes to mind when discussing my favourite directors.  Maybe it's the stigma left in the wake of Titanic, or the underwhelming response I had when watching Avatar, that's taken him off that list.  But thinking about the rest of his resume - particularly the movies of his that appear on this list - I might have to reconsider his place within the confines of my cold, dead, Cameron-underrating heart.

Top 10 Schwarzenegger Movies (#5)

Predator
Character: Dutch
Year: 1987

I'll address your inital concern right now: Yes, I realize that for you this ranking might seem a little low. Perhaps criminally so. And, I'll admit, so far this list has not been without it's faults (the exclusion of Kindergarten Cop was definitely an oversight on my part, as it was easily better than Red Heat). But, while good, and while entertaining, Predator just isn't the ultimate Arnold movie for me.

It has it's classic moments:  The Handshake.  Get to the Choppa.  I Ain't Got Time to Bleed.  And so on.

Sure, the movie drips manliness from every pore, and since we really aren't watching a Schwarzenegger movie for it's carefully crafted plot or the subtle nuances of the character, then I can see how an argument might be made that this sort of ridiculous and over-the-top movie (like Commando before it) is really the perfect Arnold experience. Just sit down, turn off your brain, shove your hand in a bag of popcorn and stare at the sweaty men and shiny explosions.

I get it. I do. I like those kinds of movies as much as the next guy (especially the sweaty men part, RAWR!). So, just because it's not my favourite Arnold movie, doesn't mean I don't still love it. Number five is nothing to sneeze at. I just happen to have four movies that I like a little bit more.

So save your enraged comments for another day, because I'm already a step ahead of you. You would have put it at number one, and I'm a fool for having it at any place else, especially, heaven forbid, as low as number five. I know. Save your breath.

Unless of course you actually were going to leave a comment. Then by all means, please do. It gets so lonely here...

Top 10 Schwarzenegger Movies (#6)

The Running Man
Character: Ben Richards
Year: 1987

There's a lot of predictions made about the future in Schwarzenegger's movies.

A nuclear wasteland run by machines in the year 2029 was the basis of The Terminator.  The Judgement Day that occurred on August 29, 1997 in that movie's sequel and even the amended date of July 24, 2004 in the Rise of the Machines.  Throw in the colonization of Mars by 2084 in Total Recall and human cloning by 2015 in The 6th Day, and Arnold is practically the Nostradamus of 80's action heroes.

That said, of all those aforementioned, science fiction, visions of the future, who would have thought that The Running Man would end up being the most likely to actually happen in real life.  No, not a United-States-turned-police-state, run by a single dictatorship under martial law, but rather the idea of a reality television show where prisoners are hunted for sport and entertainment.  I mean, sure, we haven't gotten that extreme yet, but back in 1987 when the movie came out, there wasn't even such a thing as reality television.  So who knows, by the time we get to 2019 (the films alleged date) we could be seeing such a thing.

Ok, maybe not.  But the reality television prediction was pretty spot-on, you have to admit.

Anyways, I'm not sure what more needs to be said.  The Running Man was one of the first Arnold movies that I ever saw, and it's always remained one of my favourites.  Besides, Richard Dawson, as a villainous game show host?  The only way that could have been better is if they got Bob Barker.