Man Crush #19: Will Arnett

Best Known For: Arrested Development

I'm starting to think that these are less Man Crushes and more Show Crushes.  Really, think about it.  Is my crush on Jeremy Clarkson or Top Gear?  Matt and Trey or South Park?

Will Arnett or Arrested Development?

Well, the truth is, I would probably have no idea who Will Arnett was if it wasn't for the glory that was Arrested.  But my Man Crush is valid and justified.  Because really, a show is only as great as the people that are in it.  Top Gear would just be Fifth Gear without Clarkson, May and Hammond.  South Park would have been cancelled after a season without the brilliance of Matt and Trey.  And Arrested might not be one of my Top 3 favorite shows of all time without Bateman, Cera, Hale, Tambor and of course... Arnett.

GOB Bluth is one of the great television characters of all time.  And one of the easiest ways to judge such a prestigious claim is to use the Quotability Factor.  The Simpsons (especially if you choose to forget anything that was produced after the Y2K bug secretly ruined that show) is one of the great shows of all-time.  And who do you quote more than anyone else from that show?  Homer.  Great character.  Seinfeld?  George.  Great character (yes, I know, everybody loves Kramer... but George is easily the best character from that show.  This is not up for debate*.)  Futurama?  Bender.  Great Character (although that's a tough call with the likes of Dr. Zoidberg and Zapp Brannigan in the mix...) Family Matters?  Urkel.  Great Character. 

Ok.  That last one was a joke (and mostly for Sneep's sake).  But seriously, who do you quote most from Arrested Development - a show filled with quotable characters?  I'd say it's easily GOB.  And sure, you can argue that the writing was a big part of that.  And it was.  But can you honestly tell me that just anyone could have stepped in and delivered those lines like Will Arnett did?  Can you imagine anyone else on the planet that could pull off that part with the same brilliance?  No.  You can't.

And he's not a one hit wonder either.  His episodes on 30 Rock have been some of that show's best.  And his appearances on any late night talk show are always required viewing - especially when he breaks out the air guitar on Conan.

Let's put it this way: Like the man that has made me laugh 3000 times isn't going to be on this list... COME ON!

Proof of Awesomeness:

 *Ok, if you actually want to debate it, you know where to find the comments section.  But just know, I might even put Steinbreiner ahead of Kramer... 

Man Crush #20: Bill Murray

Best Known For: SNL, Caddyshack, Ghostbusters, Lost in Translation... the list goes on.

This is the point on the list that I start to struggle with semantics.  You see, I love me some Bill Murray.  Simple, clear cut, man crush, right?  The problem is, this man crush is based more on my love of 80's Bill Murray and even 90's Bill Murray more than it is on 00's Bill Murray.

Don't get me wrong here.  I'm not saying that I don't like 00's Bill Murray.  He still brings a stupid grin to my face every time he graces the screen.  But his work in the 00's alone would not garner him a man crush.  At least, not one in the legendary Top 25.  (I know what you're thinking, Danica: blasphemy  ...but it's true).

I grew up on Ghostbusters.  I've watched Scrooged every Christmas for most of my life.  Stripes, Caddyshack, Groundhog Day - Bill Murray practically raised me. So why then would I be struggling with whether or not he should be a man crush?  Well, the thing is, how far back can I go for a man crush?  I mean, if I can go back through the entire history of this planet, should I not be giving consideration to James Dean?  Or Steve McQueen?  Or Paul Newman?  That's Jim Stark, Detective Lt. Frank Bullitt and Butch Cassidy.  Do they not deserve to be here too?

Maybe they do.  But they won't be.

Bill Murray though?  I just couldn't do this list without him.  Semantics be damned.  He's too woven into the fabric of my very being to not be considered a man crush.  I'd surely be giddy with glee to sit down to dinner with the man.  I can't say the same for too many other people on the planet.  As such, even if he doesn't have current work to merit a nomination (although I did love the cuss out of Fantastic Mr. Fox) then he's easily here for a lifetime achievement award.

Proof of Awesomeness:

Man Crush #21: Trey Parker and Matt Stone

Best Known For: South Park

Do I know my readers, or what?  I can just see the thrilled look on Randy's face as he reads this entry.  "The guys that do South Park, you say?  I love that show, and have never once in my life thought poorly of it."  Well, my philosophy has always been to give the readers what they want.  So... you're welcome.

Of course, after the initial excitement passes, I'm pretty sure I know what your second thought will be:  "Travis really pussed out here.  Putting two guys in one entry.  He should have grown a pair, ranked them accordingly, and taken a very strong Team Trey or Team Matt stance."  Well, tough.  It's my list and I'll do as I please.  If you don't like it you can go...

Hey, no, don't leave.  I'll be nice.

But seriously, you may as well get used to it now,  because
*spoiler alert* this probably isn't the last time it will happen on this list.

Besides, when have you ever thought about the two as anything but 'Trey and Matt'.  They really do seem like a single entity.  A single, brilliant entity.  Yes, I know, South Park has a very deserved reputation as a show featuring nothing more than foul-mouthed 3rd graders and toilet humour.  And I can see how that doesn't appeal to everyone.  If that's all the show was, I'm sure it wouldn't appeal to me either.

But those that sit down and watch it every week know: it is far more than just that.  Biting social commentary, current events, spot-on parodies, and celebrities being rightfully ridiculed when they deserve it (and sometimes when they don't).  Granted, episodes are hit and miss.  And the juvenile humour that the show built it's reputation on is certainly very prevalent within most episodes.  But when an episode is 'hit' - when Trey and Matt are completely on their game - it is some of the funniest and most brilliant television ever made. 

With fart jokes.

Proof of Awesomeness:

Oh, and in case you're wondering, I like Matt slightly more than Trey, so the official Ranking is 21a: Matt Stone then 21b: Trey Parker. How's that for growing a pair?

Man Crush #22: Christopher Walken

Best Known For: Requesting more cowbell

As an actor, Christopher Walken is no slouch.  He won an Oscar for The Deer Hunter and was nominated again for Catch Me If You Can.  That said, sometime around the late 90's, people started to realize that Christopher Walken was best at playing Christopher Walken, and directors have simply been turning the camera on him and saying "just be you" ever since.  And he has been.

It was also around this time that comedians added him the list of essential impressions that everyone needs to be able to do.  Right behind Sean Connery and William Shatner.  And it was also around this time that he made SNL waves with the infamous 'cowbell' sketch.

Which is all well and good.  But does it make him man crush worthy?  Well, let's see: He entertains me.  He has a good and self deprecating sense of humour.  And really, he just seems like a cool guy.

Although, he's not without his flaws.  You know how some actors seem to just do every movie offered to them.  And you joke 'man, that guy'll do anything as long as the cheque clears'.  Well in Walken's case, that's pretty much true.  He has actually stated in interviews that he'll decline a roll only if he is too busy with another project to work on it.  And because of this, a fine filmography which has seen movies he's acted in receive 35 Oscar nominations and 12 wins (although the fact that Click was nominated for an Oscar discredits that entire statement) is also marred by a list of duds that would rival Dane Cook.  For every Man on Fire there's a Balls of Fury.

...and a Kangaroo Jack.

But he was in Pulp Fiction.  And not even Gigli can cancel that out.  And because of it, I can hold my head high knowing he deserves to be here.

Proof of Awesomeness:

You were expecting the 'cowbell' sketch there, weren't you?  Don't get me wrong, like everyone else on the planet, I love me some 'more cowbell', but it's a bit played out these days.  A lot played out.  Annoyingly so.  Plus, I really love that Fatboy Slim video.

Man Crush #23: Hakeem Olajuwon

Best Known For: 18 Seasons of NBA Dominance as Center for the Houston Rockets

John Stockton.  Charles Barkley.  Michael Jordan. 

Hakeem Olajuwon was selected ahead of all of them in 1984 - arguably the greatest draft in NBA history.  And I hate to say it, because Jordan is probably the greatest basketball player to ever step foot on a basketball court, but even knowing what I know now, I don't think I would have drafted it any differently.  Hakeem was that special.

He was a 7-footer that moved better than most guards.  He is the only player in NBA history to record 200 blocks and 200 steals in the same season.  In fact, when he retired, he was #1 all time in blocked shots and #8 in steals.  For a Center, that's nothing short of mind boggling.  Most great defensive players are known for either shot blocking or steals.  Rarely both.  Especially a center.

And then there was his offense.  Adept at dribbling, good at shooting, but most importantly - and most famously - possessing some of the best foot work ever to grace the NBA's hardwood.  With the exception of maybe Kareem's sky hook, the Dream Shake may very well have been the most unguardable move in NBA history.  And during his prime, Hakeem was just that: unguardable.  Wilt was dominant, sure.  There's no arguing that.  The man scored 100 points in a single game.  But unguardable?  I think Bill Russell would have something to say about that.  And, with the exception of those epic battles with Russell, Wilt was often a 7 foot 2 inch giant, playing against 6'8" white guys.  Hakeem was not only brilliant, but he was brilliant during perhaps the greatest period of talent at the center position in the history of the league.  He played against Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Moses Malone, David Robinson, Patrick Ewing and Shaquille O'Neal.  And he flourished.

Hakeem famously became one of only four (three at the time) players in NBA history to record a quadruple-double.  Sure, triple-doubles are a dime a dozen.  But a quad?  That's truly remarkable.  If you don't understand why, here's a quote that sums it up perfectly:

The reason why [a quadruple-double] is such a hard thing to accomplish is because it requires a player to be completely dominant on both ends of the court without being too selfish—so he can get the assists—and without fouling out trying to block every shot or grab every rebound. A lot of guys can get the points, rebounds and assists, but it's the defensive stuff that messes everybody up. You have to love defense to get a quadruple-double. There's no way around it.       -Nate Thurmond

But what most people don't realize is, that even though Hakeem dropped the illustrious quadruple-double on March 29, 1990 (18 points, 16 rebounds, 10 assists, 11 blocks) he actually had a far more impressive one just 26 days earlier (29 points, 18 rebounds, 10 assists, 11 blocks) which was made ineligible after the NBA stripped him of one assist once they reviewed the game tape.  Can you imagine if he'd gotten 2 in one month?  Amazing.

Sure, he may have gone through a bit of selfish stretch during the late 80's and early 90's.  But his teams were so terrible, that he was still the best chance for 2 points, regardless of whether or not he was double or triple teamed.  If that's the only knock against him, then it's a forgivable one, especially when you consider how unselfish he was once he had a good team surrounding him.

If one thing sums up my love of Hakeem it is this:  He is the only player in NBA history to win Most Valuable Player, Defensive Player, and Finals MVP in the same season.  He was dominant offensively.  Dominant defensively.  And he was a winner.  Now he is my number 23 Man Crush.

Proof of Awesomeness: