Man Crush #7: Adam Carolla

Best Known For: The Man Show, Loveline, The Adam Carolla Show/Podcast

I have long held a theory about good looking women in Hollywood.  The gist of which is that almost anyone can look good with enough time spent in the make up chair and hair salon.  Not the shocking revelation of the century, I know, but you'd be surprised how many people don't share this theory, and fall into in the 'they're all natural beauties' camp.  I'm not saying that there aren't any natural beauties in the bunch, and that any girl with a lazy eye and a horse face can come off the street and be as hot as Jessica Alba (I mean, obviously Sarah Jessica Parker has already proven that to be untrue) but more so that not every beautiful Hollywood starlet is as hot as you think they are.

The example of this that always jumps to my mind is Nicole Scherzinger.  Try doing a quick Google Image Search… I'll wait.  Done?  Ok, so, and maybe it's just me, but when I click through those pics, I tend to jump from both ends of the spectrum.  In some pictures she appears to be the hottest thing to have ever graced the planet, and in others she looks kind of… manly.

So is it all because of the make up and hair?  I don't know.  Is she actually kind of manly?  Hard to say.  But in contrast, I've never seen a bad picture of Jessica Alba.  Bad acting, sure.  But never a bad picture.  So my theory is Jessica Alba must be naturally good looking, whereas Nicole Scherzinger is ok looking, but is often elevated by a good make up artist and some skilled photoshopping.  Plus, i mean, the hours she spends in the gym certainly doesn't hurt in drawing attention away from her face…

So what does any of this have to do with the Man Crush list? Well, for one, talking about a chick or two every now and then couldn't hurt in keeping my wafer-thin reputation as a heterosexual male intact.  But also there's a direct correlation here to my thoughts on comedy.  You see, much like hollywood starlets, I feel that a person's perceived level of hilarity can be just as easily manipulated.  In theory, a moderately funny person can easily be elevated beyond their limitations by a good script, or a strongly honed stand up act.

This isn't to say that they're not funny, or that they didn't come up with the material themselves.  Just that it's one thing to work on your performance for weeks, or come up with your jokes and massage them to perfection over the course of years at comedy clubs than it is to come up with something that's truly funny just off the cuff.  And to do it consistently.

Enter Adam Carolla.

If Jeff Foxworthy is the Nicole Scherzinger of comedy (that's not an insult - he'll make you laugh several times during his set, which is nothing to sneeze at… but he is known to buy his jokes from other comedians) then Adam Carolla is definitely Jessica Alba.  Maybe even Helen of Troy.  Lady Godiva …with a unibrow.

Not only is he quick on his feet, but he's just... funny.  Straight up funny.  He can take any topic, anything, and not only put an interesting spin on it, but make it genuinely hilarious at the same time.  Sure, his style may not appeal to every one.  He likes to rant, and certainly doesn't mind making a off-colour sexual joke, and lace it with a ton of profanity, which is pretty much the Webster's definition of 'not for everybody'.

But 'not for everybody' can just as easily be worded as 'great for some'.  And I definitely fall under the  'some' umbrella.  So for me, on my Man Crush list, he easily belongs here in the Top 10.

Proof of Awesomeness: 

Man Crush #8: Jason Lee

Best Known For: My Name is Earl

Let me start out by saying that I get religion.  I do.  Even though I don't embrace it, I do understand why there are so many people that do.  There's a lot of unanswered questions out there, and for some people religion provides satisfactory enough answers to those questions.  So, although I am decidedly not a religious man, I rarely take issue with those that are.  I'm very much a 'whatever makes you happy…' kind of guy.

By now you're probably wondering what this has to do with Man Crushes.  Well, I only mention it so that you know that, in spite of my general religious tolerance, I've chosen to use these next words anyways: Scientology is stupid. 

It just is. 

And that's why my mighty heart was shattered into a million pieces the day I found out that Jason Lee had joined this so-called religion.  You see, ever since I saw Mallrats in 1998, Jason Lee was practically the reason that this list was invented.  In fact, along with Inspector Gadget (1984-1987), Michelangelo* (1988-1991) Arnold Schwarzenegger (1992-1995) and Shawn Kemp (1996-1998), Jason Lee is one of the few people that can claim to have held the number 1 spot on this list (1998-2000), a spot that has been dominated for over a decade by it's current title holder.

And that's no small feat, especially considering that 2 of the names on that list are fictional cartoon characters, and the other 2 names didn't even crack the Top 25 on this current list.

Of course, some might argue that my love of Jason Lee is tied very much to the hip of my love for Kevin Smith.  And I'd be lying if I said it wasn't.  Although Lee was a semi-well-known professional skateboarder at the time, it's pretty safe to say that Smith 'discovered' him by taking a chance and casting him as the main comedic character in his big studio follow up to the infamous Clerks.  And you could also pretty safely say that without the banter-driven dialogue penned by Smith himself, and inherent to all his films, said character would have fallen a little flat (although box office numbers would suggest that it did anyway…) and Lee would have had to go crawling back to the half pipe.

But the thing about Jason Lee, and what had him reigning supreme in my mind during the late 90's, is that he took the Kevin Smith dialogue and added his secret ingredient: the Jason Lee delivery.  I don't know if I can explain it, and even if I could, you'd still either love it or be pretty m-eh about it.  So I'm not going to bother.  Just know, that I definitely fall into the 'love it' column.

That said, his forays outside of Kevin Smith's Askewniverse have been pretty hit or miss. And if I'm honest, more miss than hit (Alvin and the Chipmunks, anyone?) But, every now and then, he'll stop reining it in for just one second, for just one line, and let loose the Jason Lee delivery.  And it's in that one moment, as my smile grows from ear to ear, I am reminded that even though he's no longer in the running for the top spot, he still belongs in the Top 10.  Scientology be damned.

Proof of Awesomeness:

*Sorry to disappoint any art enthusiasts that might have gained a modicum of respect for me reading this post, but my Man Crush was on Michelangelo the Ninja Turtle, not Michelangelo the sculptor/artist.  Sorry, I'm just not that cultured.  Well, that and I was six.  Cut me some slack.

Man Crush #9: Clive Owen

Best Known For:  Children of Men

Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we?  Well, I'll take a trip down memory lane, and you can likely hear about these memories for the first time.  Either way, let's rewind this yarn back to the summer of 2001, when a young, and very impressionable Travis was at a crossroads in his life.  (Sorry to refer to myself in the third person like that, but I just watched LeBron's 'The Decision' and it seems like all the really cool people talk in the third person like that…)

Travis had just been accepted into a college program (that he didn't really think he would get into) and was starting the summer prep course that was required of all the students that were to take this program.  The course was 'Macintosh Foundations' and it was intended to teach all students the basic usage of Mac computers as that was entirely what would be used during the duration of the Digital Arts and Media program.  The course was pretty much a joke, especially since he had been using Apple computers in some form or another since 1985, but especially so, considering that for one whole session they simply watched a few popular online videos for the entire class.

This was pre-YouTube, and at this point I (sorry, I'm going to have to switch back to using less douchey pronouns) had never had access to my own high speed internet connection, so my exposure to video on the internet had been quite minimal.  The instructor on this particular day had brought in a video called Chosen and it was described to the class as a 'BMW Film'.  Needless to say, eight minutes later and I was completely hooked.  And now, having seen them all more times then I care to admit, I can tell you that of the eight produced films, this was probably the weakest.  And yet still, I was hooked.

I'm a car guy, don't get me wrong, but this series of shorts didn't serve to sell me on these fine BMW automobiles any more than I already was.  No, the major consequence that came from these viewings was the moment that I fired up IMDB.com in my browser and said to myself 'I need to know who the guy is that played the driver, and I need to see every movie he's ever been in…'

That man, of course, was Clive Owen.

Unfortunately, a quick glance at his filmography revealed all obscure British films that I had little-to-no interest in seeing - despite the presence of my newest potential Man Crush.  Then trailers started to show up for Beyond Borders and King Arthur.  I saw the latter out of some newly-formed devotion to Mr. Owen, but quickly regretted the decision.  Even with the seemingly can't-miss combination of Clive Owen and Keira Knightley, it was not a great film.  I began to worry that my boy Clive maybe didn't have the chops to make it work on the big screen, but I kept my eye out for him none-the-less.  Then the Sin City trailer dropped and I truly got excited again at the prospect of Clive goodness.  He followed that up with Children of Men and Inside Man, and by the time the credits rolled on Closer*, he was easily in my Top 3.

I couldn't have been more excited for Shoot 'Em Up (or more disappointed with the end result…) and The International and Duplicity can certainly be classified as 'missteps'.  So, as it stands, he currently sits at Number 9.  Not a terrible spot to be ranked, but without a good movie to his name since 2006, it was hard to keep him in the Top 3.  That said, you might want to check back here after The Killer Elite is released, as it pretty much features my dream cast of Jason Statham, Clive and Yvonne Strahovski.  If it's half as good as I hope, then I may have edited this page to put Clive back in the Top 3... or else the disappointment and shear heartache of this movie not living up to my decidedly over-hyped levels of unachievablity will have forced me to drop him out of the Top 10 altogether.

Proof of Awesomeness:

*Although a flawed movie overall, the scene in Closer when Clive verbally dismantles Julia Roberts after she admits to cheating on him is one of my favourite scenes ever committed to film.  Clive absolutely kills it, and reminds me why he really should still be in the Top 3.  Of course it definitely doesn't hurt that I absolutely loath Julia Roberts…

Man Crush #10: Jason Statham

Best Known For: The Transporter Trilogy

I wanted to put Guy Ritchie on this list.  I really did.  Six years ago, I would have typed his name in the header without thinking twice.  But one Swept Away, Revolver and marriage to Madonna later and it's decidedly not his name beside the number 10 on this list.  Granted, Sherlock Holmes was fun and RocknRolla didn't make me want to gouge my eyes out.  So, maybe in another six years he will have undone the damage and earned his way back here.  But right now, in 2010, he didn't even make the Honourable Mentions.

But that doesn't change the fact that I loved every frame of Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.  And what's not to love?  Smart, funny, gritty and with style coming out the wazoo, these are the very definition of 'my kind of film'.  And, if you've been paying any sort of attention to this list, you know that I'm a big believer that a great movie is pretty hard to achieve without a great cast.  And Guy Ritchie put together one hell of a cast for both of those movies, introducing the world to the great Vinnie Jones and of course...

Jason Statham.

And what can you say about Jason Statham? Not only does he do most of his own stunts (which always gets my Man Crush juices flowing) but there's also something about a British accent that just makes a guy that much more likable.  I'm not sure if he's actually charming,  but he sure comes across like it.

Sure, much like the aforementioned Mr. Ritchie, he does seem like a bit of a one trick pony - always playing a variation of essentially the same character.  But he plays it well dammit, and he doesn't get snobby with his roles.  I mean, no one's confusing Crank or The Transporter for Shakespeare, heck, they aren't even that great in the grand scheme of their own genre.  But I'm a sucker for them none-the-less (although Transporter 3 was almost unwatchable), and I'm always glad when I get to watch the same guy (in this case Statham) continue as the same character, when most actors would bail on the sequels and let Ice Cube take over (*cough* Vin Diesel).

And if you need anymore proof, just consider this:  I can't think of anyone else that rocks the going bald look and not only pulls it off, but also still looks completely bad ass.  Most guys have to resort to hair pieces (*cough* Bruce Willis) or shaving it completely bald (*cough* Bruce Willis).   More bad ass than Bruce Willis?  Not an easy task.  Sounds like Top 10 material to me.

Proof of Awesomeness:


Ok, he's probably not actually more bad ass than Bruce… and Bruce was rocking the receding hair line in the first and third Die Hard movies and still crushed it.  I retract my previous jabs at him.

#1: Randy Sneep*

* Ranking refers to the list: 'My Favorite People That Have a Birthday on July 2nd', not the prestigious Man Crush list

Best Known For:  Frugal Spending

I know.

You're all waiting with bated breath to see who made the illustrious Top 10.  And I can't blame you.  It's easily one of the most exciting reveals in the history of this blog.  But today is not the day that we crack that seal.  Why?  Because that would steal the thunder from a much more important event.

The Anniversary of the Birth of Sneep.

And, while I understand the irony of the fact that he'd probably enjoy nothing more than to read a fresh Man Crush entry on his birthday, I think we can all agree that in the end he'd much rather have an epic shout out and mild ego boost instead.

So here you go Sneep.  Happy Birthday.

Proof of Awesomeness: