Top 10 Schwarzenegger Movies (#1)

The Terminator
Character: The Terminator
Year: 1984

Let's face it, the sequel is never better than the original.  Bigger?  Sure.  More action packed?  Of course.  But better?  Rarely.  The Dark Knight, The Road Warrior, The Empire Strikes Back, and The Wrath of Khan. Those are the exceptions.  I could be talked into The Godfather Part II and maybe even The Two Towers as well, but for the most part, the list ends there.

So, what about Terminator 2?  It's not only on everybody else's list, but in most cases it's in the number one spot.  What gives?

Ok, I'll admit it, Terminator 2 is a fantastic movie.  I'll even go one further and cede the point that, in almost every regard, it is the superior movie.  The film making is more proficient, the pacing is better, and the message that the movie makes is much stronger.  Throw in the revolutionary special effects and just the impact that the movie had on society and pop culture in general, and it's easy to see why people feel this way about it.

But I still like the first one more.

Sure, it doesn't look as shiny, and the effects don't hold up nearly as well as the second one's do by today's standards, but the first Terminator will always be ranked higher than the second in my eyes.  And for me, it's because of the story.  As much as the second one has a more poignant and sweeping message about humanity, at the end of the day, the first movie is much more ingenious.  Maybe not better - I relent, T2 does belong on the list of sequels that are better than the original - but smarter.  Remember, this is still a list of my 'favourites', and not an objective, definitive list of the 'best'.  And while I love Terminator 2, I've always loved the original Terminator just that much more.

Top 10 Schwarzenegger Movies (#2)

Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Character: The Terminator
Year: 1991

I feel like this write up is only going to serve to make me sound like a complete hypocrite.  I can already tell that it will be riddled with contradictions.  You see, although I obviously love this movie (#2 is no small feat) I do have a few beefs with it.  And these beefs are going to sound unjustified, seeing as how I praised other movies on this list for practically the very things that I am now complaining about.

For starters, I was quick to defend Jim Belushi and Tom Arnold.  This will not be the case for Edward Furlong.  I should apologize to my sister now, as even whispering such blasphemy will probably make her want to murder me and bury my corpse out in the woods under a large pile of the old Teen Beat Magazines that once littered her room back in the day, but every time I watch Terminator 2 again, he annoys me just a little bit more than the last time.  And having re-watched every movie on this list over the course of making it, I must say, that during this most recent viewing, he was almost unbearable.  He has moments where he's not terrible, but they're so few and far between that they are almost instantly forgotten the moment his next annoying scene soils its way onto the screen.

Next, much like many other movies on this list, Terminator 2 has a near-perfect mix of action and humour.  But for some reason, here, it rubs me a little wrong.  Not all of it, just mostly the one-liners.  I know they try to justify it as him being able to learn to be more human the longer he spends around people, but I still just can't help but find it all a little out of character, especially compared to the no-nonsense Terminator in the first film.

But again, these are all minor complaints.  At the end of the day, there is a lot to love about this movie, and love it I most certainly do.  Even when the Edward Furlong character rears it's ugly head.  No, 13-year-old Bonnie, I didn't say that he has an ugly head... Please, just put down the knife... NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Top 10 Schwarzenegger Movies (#3)

Total Recall
Character: Douglas Quaid
Year: 1990

I don't know why Arnold is so well suited to Science Fiction.  Maybe it's because his unrealistic physique just doesn't make that much sense unless he's a cybernetic organism or fighting predators from space, or, in this case, is a secret agent from Mars.

It would be hard for him to play a mild-mannered computer programmer from Iowa because at some point you as the audience would have to ask: 'Wait? This nerdy computer guy works out for 4 hours every day?'  And as much as we're willing to suspend disbelief from time to time, that might just be too hard of a pill to swallow.

As such, almost all of Arnold's movies have had a Fantasy or Sci-Fi undercurrent to them, and often these movies are the best of his filmography.  Of course, sometimes they can be the worst as well (I'm looking at you Batman & Robin…)

But Total Recall definitely falls under the 'best' heading, and if you couldn't already tell by it's ranking on this list, I love this movie.  Not just for the classic Arnold elements, not just for a young Sharon Stone, not even for the three-breasted mutant prostitute.  Nope, this just a good movie (although when you're 12, a three-breasted mutant prostitute never hurts…)

Now if we can only stop Hollywood from shamelessly trying to remake such a cinema classic, we'll be a better society overall.  (Actually, I hate to say it, but a gritty, realistic, toned-down version of Total Recall could actually be really good, no matter how much it spits in the face of one of my all-time favourite movies growing up… that said, I still can't see Colin Farrell doing proper justice to the all-important delivery of the line 'Come on, Cohaagen! You got what you want. Give those people air!')

Top 10 Schwarzenegger Movies (#4)

True Lies
Character: Harry Tasker
Year: 1994

I defended Jim Belushi in my Red Heat write up (well, not so much defended, as expressed my indifference) so I suppose I should do the same for Tom Arnold as well.  Because I kind of like Tom Arnold.  Yet, he seems like one of those names that society has predetermined that you're not supposed to like and as soon as you bring him up in conversation, there seems to be a negative sigma that automatically comes along with him.  And I'm trying to figure out why.

Is it the Roseanne thing?  Or just his personality in general?  I suppose that he has been in a lot of sub par movies, but still, the automatic hatred people have towards him seems to far exceed anything that he could have possibly done to deserve it.  My only real exposure to him has been the few times that he's been a guest on the Adam Carolla Show, and he's come off as a genuine and funny guy, with a lot of smart and interesting things to say.

Of course, my other exposure to him is True Lies.  And he's very good in it.  Dare I say, maybe even a scene-stealer (and it isn't easy to take the spotlight away from Arnie).  They got the tone of this movie just right.  The action to comedy to over-the-top to entertainment ratios of this film are perfect.  Both Arnold's (Tom and Schwarzenegger) knock it out of the park.

Speaking of which, this list isn't about Tom, it's about the other Arnold, so it's probably best if I take a few minutes to talk about… Bill Paxton.  See what I did there?  We call that the old bait 'n switch.  But seriously, this is the second of three Arnold movies that Bill Paxton will appear in on this list, and it's easily his biggest and best role out of the three.  And once more, his part is pitch perfect to go along with the rest of the movie.

Anyways, even though I've gushed enough (albeit not very much about the one Arnold that this list suggests that I should), I'd be remiss if I didn't give James Cameron his well-deserved credit as well.  Although, I suppose I could save that for later, since the rest of this list is going to see his name come up on more than one occasion.  Which is kind of strange when you consider that he's not even a name that comes to mind when discussing my favourite directors.  Maybe it's the stigma left in the wake of Titanic, or the underwhelming response I had when watching Avatar, that's taken him off that list.  But thinking about the rest of his resume - particularly the movies of his that appear on this list - I might have to reconsider his place within the confines of my cold, dead, Cameron-underrating heart.