Travis Tackles Relationships IV

I saved this one for last. Why? Because for once I not only have an opinion on this, but for the first time ever, I also have experience that directly relates to the topic at hand. I know, right? Who knew?

Which brings us to: Can a guy and a girl just be friends?

I'm pretty sure the general consensus is a resounding 'no', but I stand firmly in the 'yes' camp. Why? Because I've had many successful friendships with members of the fairer sex. Now, this tends to lead to the assumption that I fall somewhere in the spectrum of 'simply naive' all the way up to 'completely oblivious about the world in which I inhabit'.

While I can't deny my naivety at times - I do tend to give people the benefit of the doubt in assuming that everyone is inherently 'good', when this is obviously not always the case - but I don't consider myself an oblivious person at all. If anything, I over-analyze the small details way too much. That said, my response (or often lack thereof) to such analysis can understandably be misconstrued as such. And while I understand why this is, all I can do is try to assure you that it is not the case. Whether you choose to believe it or not is up to you.

Now, before you shake your head and start to question every opinion I've ever had, in response to this unpopular claim that guys and girls can in fact be friends, let's get a few things out of the way: First, and most importantly, I'm not saying that every guy and every girl can be friends. Not at all. There are certainly many instances where this is not possible in the slightest. Secondly, there's a very different situation that one can find themselves in called 'the friend zone'. This is a completely different scenario, and rarely ever turns out well.

With that out of the way, here's why I think that a guy/girl friendship can work:

The main reason that people assume a co-ed friendship is impossible is of course, attraction. The assumption is always that one or possibly even both of the 'friends' are actually hoping that the friendship leads to something more. That one of the them is attracted to the other, and either they've been told they can't be more than friends by the other person, and they hope they can wear them down over time, or else they haven't had the guts to make their move yet and let their intentions be known. And don't get me wrong, this is undoubtedly the most common example of a male/female friendship, and is always, without fail, going to come crashing down at some point.

These friendships are pipe dreams, and quite frankly are impossible. The main reason being, that whether they even realize it or not, one of the people doesn't even want to be friends. They may be patient, they may even be willing to convince themselves that they can just be friends. But eventually the other shoe will drop. Not always in a negative way, mind you, I'm sure some do evolve into that relationship that they were hoping for. But as a general rule, if at least one of the 'friends' is attracted to the other, even in a small way, the friendship is ultimately doomed to fail.

So, moving past that, once we've found the rare two people that have absolutely no attraction to one another, the next thing that people can't get past (and therefore discredit every co-ed friendship because of) is the simple question: Why? Some people definitely have a singular opinion of the opposite sex. Like, a woman is only good for marrying, impregnating, or sewing.  So, if you're not after any of those things, then why would you even bother with them? Obviously, no one wants to admit to that narrow and ultimately sexist mindset, but it's actually a pretty common response to a legitimate male/female friendship. Maybe not as blatantly as I've laid it out in my example, but there are definitely people that don't understand why a person would want to be friends with a lady if they don't have some other underlying motivating factor.

And these people will probably never be convinced. So, I'm not even going to bother trying. Just know, some people genuinely enjoy the company of each other, regardless of gender, and not because they eventually want to jump each other's bones.

Trust me, I know. I've been friends with a girl from high school for over 13 years now. And I know I have no interest in her beyond friendship, and I have to assume the same of her, since she's definitely not the type to hold back from expressing her feelings, so I doubt very much she would have kept them bottled up for over a decade. By contrast, I've also been in friendships where interest in an eventual relationship has been the ultimate goal. So, honestly, I do know and am able to recognize the difference between the two.

But if you still have trouble believing that, then let me tell you about another type of guy/girl friendship that most people have trouble wrapping their minds around, that I have also been involved with. Well, actually, I haven't really ended with a good tease in a while, so really, I should say: let me tell you all about it... next week.