Travis Tackle Relationships VII

Look, I know that I promised that these 'Relationship' posts would end mercifully with the whole 'guy/girls/ex's as friends' thing a couple of weeks back.  But screw it, I thought of another one, so I'm going to keep going.  If you don't like it, well, it's too late now. You've already read this far, and that counts as a plus one on my view counter.  And really, that's all you chumps are good for in my mind anyways.

No.  Wait.  Come back.  I'm only kidding.  I actually love and appreciate each and every one of you chumps.  I just hope you love and appreciate another post about relationships, because well, that's all I've got to offer.

This week I'm going to talk about juggling multiple relationships at the same time.  Which of course means that we've re-entered a realm of pure fantasy.  One rooted strictly in theory and philosophy and my own half-baked opinions. The very notion that I might juggle multiple ladies at the same time is laughable at best; I can't even get one girl to give me the time of day, let alone several.  But I still have an opinion on it.  And if I can't give my opinion here, where can I, dammit?

Now, let me start by saying that this is a very different situation than the whole 'cheating' discussion from a few weeks back.  Well, maybe not 'very different' but different enough.  Cheating is when you know you're in a relationship with someone, yet choose to pursue other relationships anyways.  In this case, I'm referring more to that sticky little stretch of time when you've met someone new, maybe gone on a few dates, but aren't yet officially 'dating' each other.  And the thing that makes it such an odd and confusing time, is that for each and every person it's completely different when exactly it is that you officially become a couple.

Some people (myself included) just make the assumption.  Like, "look, we've been on five dates, we've made out a few times, I know what her left boob feels like, and God willing, I'll be able to say the same about the right one soon enough. If that doesn't make us a couple, I don't know what does."  Whereas other people need to be asked, or at the very least have a discussion about it, before they'll even consider putting such a label on their relationship.

It's such a mixed bag and can be so arbitrary that very few people make it through life without thinking to themselves at least once: "Um… did she just ask if we wanted to be exclusive? I thought we already were. Does this mean she hasn't been exclusive up until now…?" Or, "did he just change his Facebook status to 'in a relationship' with me?  We went to one movie together, and I don't even like the guy!"  The whole situation is ripe for potential misunderstandings and even heart break.  And it's all because each and every one of us has a slightly different idea of when the relation becomes official and exclusive.

And that's what this topic is all about.  That word 'exclusive'.  Because without it, there's a ton of room for interpretation.  And when you give a douchey guy an inch of leeway to make his own interpretations, he'll take a mile.  Because of this, despite leaning towards not needing to actually to have the conversation myself (sure assumptions leave room for misinterpretation, but I still believe that when you know, you know), I fully and completely understand why some people need to actually be asked before they'll even consider themselves to be 'off the market'.  No matter how 'on tonight's very special episode of 1950's high school' it feels like to have to ask your best gal to go steady with you.

But before that happens, there's always that stretch of time when you're seeing each other, but you aren't officially 'seeing each other'. It's during this period of time that some people think that there's nothing wrong with juggling a few different relationships at once.  And look, I do sort of understand the logic that these people use to try and justify it.  "We just started seeing each other. I don't know if I even like this person yet. Why should I turn down other opportunities until I know for sure?"  Which is fine.  If you've got a few people that you're interested in, and you really can't make up your mind between them, then maybe you do have to play the field a bit.  And maybe the time that you're seeing one person is going to overlap with the time that you're seeing another.  It's not like either relationship has gotten serious yet, right?

Well, technically, sure.  But I'm not a huge fan of it.  Maybe that's just because I'm jealous of the mere notion that some people exist in a world where they could have more than one person interested in them at the same time.  That said, on the off chance the situation did arise, I still don't think that I'd try to juggle more than one lady at once.  For me, if there's two girls that I'm interested in, there's always one that I'm more interested in.  Always.  It might not be by much, but there is always a preference.  And still trying to date both ladies in spite of this awareness just feels a little too selfish to me.  Really, you're just hedging your bets.  If the one girl doesn't fall for your charms on the first few dates, you can always fall back on the other one, rather than having to start from scratch, or even risk losing her to another dude.  Some guys love having that safety blanket, but really, keeping her on the hook 'just in case' doesn't really sound like the actions of a stand up guy, does it?

It's all about a person's true intentions.  "I'm keeping her around 'just in case'" and "I honestly can't decide until I've gone out with both of them" are two very different things.  The problem is that no one knows what a person's true intentions are but them.  And far too many people like to use this little technicality to their advantage.  Unless you can prove it - and nobody can - then whose to say what a person's intentions are?  This gives that person carte blanche to act like they're all offended and insulted that you would even have the nerve to claim to know what's going on inside their head.  I mean, who do you think you are? When really, they're just trying to guilt you into second guessing yourself.  At the end of the day, you really don't know what's going on inside of their head, however obvious it might seem.  And until you can provide some allusive and impossible proof to the contrary, they will always 'win' the argument.

For example, let's say that a dude knows deep down that the girl he's been out with a few times thinks that they're 'going out'.  But because it hasn't been agreed on verbally - it was so obvious, and the girl didn't want to seem clingy by having an unnecessary conversation about it - then technically it's still open season for him to juggle multiple ladies. And until they actually have that conversation, she can't prove that he obviously already knew that they were a couple.  He gets to play the 'ignorance' card, because no one can prove that he wasn't ignorant.  "Hey, we never agreed that we were dating, it's your own fault for making assumptions."  But really, that's not a case of poor communication leading to a misunderstanding.  It's just a dude that wants an excuse to keep multiple ladies on the hook at the same time, and is too self-absorbed to care that he's only 'winning' the confrontations that arise from it on a technicality.  For some people, all that matters is that they're technically right.  It doesn't matter why they're right, just that they are.  Even if every single other person that looked at the situation would say otherwise.

Basically what I'm saying is this: Do what's right, not just what you know you can get away with.  We all know what's right and what's wrong. Too many of us choose to ignore this basic gut instinct because we can always claim ignorance.  Somehow it's not wrong, so long as a person can get away with it.  People are too concerned with being able to defend their actions to other people, and not nearly concerned enough with having to defend their actions to themselves.  And this doesn't just apply to relationships and dating.  It's just a shitty way to live your life.  If you've had three beers and feel a little light headed, call a cab.  Sure, technically you probably won't blow over, but you know that you probably shouldn't be driving.  Then, another time, the three beers might not hit you as hard, and you honestly are fine to drive, so you can.  The only difference between both situations is your own common sense, not some technicality.  The same goes for juggling girls before you're officially 'dating' any of them.  You know if you're just doing it to stroke your ego, or because you like having multiple gals on the hook, just like you know if you need a couple dates with each girl before you can make an honest decision between the two of them.

Sorry, I know I said that this post would be 'about juggling multiple girls at the same time', so if you came here for a handy guide on how to do so, you're probably pretty disappointed right now.  But if that's the case, then you're also probably a complete douche. As such, I'm perfectly happy to have wasted the valuable time that you could have spent polishing the chrome bull testicles that hang from the back of your jacked up truck with the Calvin-pissing-on-another-truck's-logo sticker stuck on the back window.  Don't worry, we all think it's as bad-ass as you do... honest.