People That I Can't Hang Out With (Part IV)

I'm not a monster.  Please, try to keep that in mind as you read this.

Look, I like pets as much as the next person.  Obviously not as much as some people, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation.  But, I like pets, plenty.  The problem is: I like pets.  Pets.  Not four legged friends that we pretend are people.  Pets are not people.  And that's a line that's become far too blurry in recent years.

Pets are great.  They make great companions.  They liven up the home.  They improve your quality of life.  It doesn't take long before pets are basically a part of the family.  I get it.  I really do.  I've loved many pets over the years.  And I've always looked back fondly at the time we spent together.

But there is a line.  And too many people cross it.  I'm talking about the outgoing voice mail (or answering machine, back in the day) where a family might add the dog to the list of names that is read out, as if someone might be calling to leave a message for "Jim, Jane, little Todd or Rover."  Or the Christmas card signed from everyone, including the cats.  Hilarious, right?  Everyone that hears that voicemail is going to crack right up and declare: "Leave a message for Rover? How deliciously absurd!" Or, "How could Mittens sign that Chrismas card? He must think he's people!"

Now, I'm no expert in comedy.  And why should I shit all over it, so long as the family is getting a smile or two out of doing it?  But I must.  It's like seeing a prop comic get out his trunk full of zany gags.  It's just a lowly form of humour, and I'll be damned if I'm not going to look down my nose at it.

And here's the problem: much like your newborn child, nobody likes your pet as much as you do. Nobody.  You've spend hours and days and years growing to love all the little quirks and nuances that make your pet unique and great.  I'm not try to discredit that.  I think it's a great part of life.  But stop being so determined that everyone must love your pet as much as you do.  They never will.  Sure, there's nothing wrong with bringing your dog to the lake with friends, or letting your cat sit on their lap and receive a good rub.  But knock it off with the Christmas cards and voicemail messages.  And for all that is good and holy, don't create Facebook accounts for your pets and then post messages as if they were the ones typing them. Bingo says: "I buried a bone in the back yard today." Really? Seek professional help.  Please.

Which brings me to the main topic of debate for this post.  Because up until now we've discussed some pretty harmless scenarios.  Sure, they might annoy, but big deal; some people are annoying.  We can learn to live with it.  But what about when it starts to affect that person's life?  What about when the vet bills start to creep into the thousands?  The ten thousands?  I know two separate cases in which people have spent over $6000 and $10,000 respectively on their dogs.  And, like I said at the start, I like to think I'm not a monster, but seriously people?  It's a pet. I'm not suggesting you don't love that pet.  But at the end of the day, it's just a pet.

So am I a monster?  Once you truly love a living thing, can you no longer assign a dollar value to it's life?  Or should people just accept that death is an inevitable part of having a pet.  And it's never easy, but eventually it will come to pass.  Sometimes your time with a pet ends quickly and suddenly, sometimes it lasts longer than you could have ever hoped.  Sometimes it's not fair, other times maybe you cling on to a pet that's in pain for a little while too long.  I'm not trying to deny or trivialize a person's love for their pet, but I still don't think people should be spending that kind of money (or worse yet, going into debt) just to squeeze a few more years of life out of a pet, whose life - for one reason or another - would probably have otherwise come to an end.

Look, their heart might be in the right place - attachment and devotion can be a tricky beast, after all. But at the end of the day, the head should make the final decision.  The logical decision.  If you think that's too cold and heartless, maybe you're right.   Maybe I am.  But this is simply my opinion, and these are the people I can't hang out with.  Maybe you can. 

Actually, saying I can't hang out with such a person is a bit of a stretch. Really, I just think we fall on different sides of the argument between a person that accepts a pet for what it is, and a person that is endlessly devoted to these animals, no matter what the cost.  That said, don't get me started on people that take their pets to therapists, or the fact that pets are allowed on planes nowadays.  Those people have definitely crossed the line.  The ever-increasingly blurred line that separates pet from person.  You can love a pet.  You can adore a pet.  You should never abuse a pet or mistreat it.  But if you treat a pet that much as though it were a human being - and often times, even better than you treat other human beings - then I'm sorry, but you're someone that I just can't hang out with.