People That I Can't Hang Out With (Part III)

Look, I get it.  Some people just like having really bright headlights.  Other people treat an email like a hot potato, replying as quickly as they can, and often at the expense of actually 'replying' to the email.  There are always just going to be people like that sharing this planet with us.  They almost can't help being who they are.  It's just in their nature.  I still don't want to hang out with them, but I can't exactly get mad at a leopard for having spots.

That's why, in many ways, this next one is even more tragic.  Because this one seems completely avoidable.  Completely under the banner of conscious decision.  And the fact that a person would actually choose to act this way boggles the mind.

I am, of course, referring to the guy that says 'yes' when invited, but always backs out at the last second.

Sure, everyone has had something come up at the last minute that they just had to deal with or couldn't get out of.  That's a legitimate situation that we all will probably face at some point in our lives.  No, I'm referring to the guy that gets 'the reputation'.  The guy that when the hostess says 'your reservation said table for six, are we still waiting on one more?' and you mutter under your breath 'no, that was for Chris, he won't be joining us…' the whole table just sort of nods knowingly.

And that's the most telling part, that no one even questions it.  Everyone at that table has been burned by this same person too many times.  They certainly aren't surprised by it.  If anything, they were almost expecting it.  And I just don't understand how a person could let a reputation like that get so bad.  I mean, most times they have to know right at the initial invite whether or not they want to be there, right?  So, why feign interest?  Once or twice, sure.  But enough to get 'the reputation'?  I just don't get it.

I guess it's a classic case of delaying the unpleasant.  Of not worrying about something until later.  It's drinking on a work night, knowing that it's going to suck in the morning, but still not holding back.  It's putting that new television on your credit card, and worrying about how you're going to pay it off later.

Here's how it must work - I mean, I can really only guess, but this is the theory that I've formed based on a few factors: 

Factor 1: Invitations are usually in person.  You're looking them right in the eye, they can see the excitement on your face, and hear the anticipation in your voice.  They know that by saying 'no' that they'll have to deal with seeing all that excitement turn into disappointment and maybe even sadness.  Plus they might have to deal with some nagging as you try to convince them that they should come.  Then they'll have to make up an excuse as to why they can't.  By simply saying 'yes', they not only get to avoid all that, but they also get to pretend to share in your excitement.  Then, when they bail at the last second, it's almost always over the phone or via text (or worst of all, simply not showing up).  So, even though the look on your face is even more disappointed as they're bailing at the last second, they aren't there to see it.

Factor 2:  Nobody wants to be lame.  Being universally loved is pretty much the holy grail for most people.  So, saying 'yes' to everything might somehow make it seem like they're the anti-lame: the guy that's always up for anything and everything.  The problem is that this pretty much only works out that way in their own mind.  In reality, once they get 'the reputation', in the minds of their friends, they've become much more lame than the guy that sits at home on a Friday night, watching American Idol in his underwear before going to bed at 9:30.

Factor 3: Everybody wants to be wanted.  Sure, even if you don't want to be there, it still feels good to know that people want you to be there.  And everyone knows, that if they get invited to something 9 times, and they say 'no' 9 times, chances are they aren't going to get the invite on the 10th time.  And it makes sense, I mean, if they say 'no' to the bar 10 times, people are just going to assume that they don't like going to the bar.  Which of course means that people are going to stop inviting them to the bar.  But they still want to be asked.  Part of them likes knowing that you want them to be there.  That you think that your evening will be improved by their presence.  It's one of the few proofs they have in life that people don't think that they're an asshole.  No one wants to spend their time with an asshole, therefore by being invited out, they must not be one.

Which all ties into the biggest factor of them all, Factor 4: Obliviousness.  I mean, they've got to be, right?  If they knew how much less respected they were for bailing last second than they would have been for just taking a pass at the initial invite, there's no way they would do it.  The ultimate irony of course being that by getting an invite - proof that their friends must not consider them to be an asshole - only to bail at the last second, they have become just that.  In fact, it might even be worse.  Not only do they not realize that they've pulled a huge douche move, they might actually think that they're coming out ahead.  That people somehow think that it's cool that they always say 'yes', and quickly forget when they bail last second.  That somehow they'll be remembered as having been there, that people might not know that they bailed, and just assume that they were there.

Unfortunately for them, that sort of revisionist history never actually occurs.  At the end of the day, once they get 'the reputation', all people really start thinking about is how much they just can't hang out with that guy anymore.