Man Crush #3: Kevin Smith

Best Known For:  Clerks

I love a good yarn.

There's just something about being able to tell a good story that really wins me over.  I wish I could do it myself.  (Don't get me wrong, I do alright from time to time, but I lack consistency.)  And knowing my own limitations is why I don't just love a good yarn, but I respect a good yarn. And of course,  I respect the person that can spin a good yarn.

And Kevin Smith can spin one hell of a yarn.

I loved Clerks.  And Mallrats.  And Chasing Amy.  I loved Dogma, and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and Clerks II.  All of these movies could land someone in the Top 25, sure, but the Top 3?  No, it takes something more than that.

In this case, it took An Evening with Kevin Smith.  Well, six evenings with Kevin Smith, to be exact - three DVD's and the three times I bore witness to it myself.  And of course, Smodcast.  This is Kevin Smith at his best.  Uncensored, and beyond candid.  This is when the yarns start to flow, and the laughs become many.  His movies have been good, sure, but his candor is easily the reason he sits so high on this list.

Granted, sometimes he's a little too candid, and even, dare I say, too self-deprecating.  Sometimes it comes off more like a defense mechanism rather than simply not taking himself too seriously.  But when he finds the right balance - and he often does - the tales in which he can weave are nothing short of brilliant.

Not for all, I'm sure.  But for me, they most certainly are.

Besides, without Kevin Smith the world might not know the brilliance of Jason Lee.  Or the not-exactly-brilliant-but-entertaining-none-the-less antics of Jason Mewes.  Or the mediocrity that is Ben Affleck.

Regardless, the only thing you need to know about my man love of Kevin Smith is this: I own four copies of Clerks.  Four.  That's the same movie, purchased four separate times.  What can I say? Man love makes you do crazy things…

Proof of Awesomeness: (NSFW language)

Man Crush #4: Jackie Chan

Best Known For: Rush Hour (unfortunately)

Forget about Rush Hour 3.  Forget about The Tuxedo.  Forget about The Spy Next Door and The Medallion and The Forbidden Kingdom.  And whatever you do, please, for the love of all that is good and pure, forget about Around the World in 80 Days.

That is not the Jackie Chan that we should remember, and that is not the Jackie Chan that, in spite of such a laundry list of duds, still made the prestigious Top 5.  No.  The Jackie Chan that made this list is the one behind Project A, and Rumble in the Bronx, and Operation Condor and the Police Story movies.  Heck, I even liked Shanghai Noon.  But, most importantly, this is the man that made Drunken Master II (released as The Legend of Drunken Master stateside) which may very well be the greatest Kung Fu movie ever made.

I've already spent far too much time on this blog explaining how doing one's own stunts is a sure-fire path straight to my man heart, but I would be remiss if I didn't at least mention it in passing for Mr. Chan, as he pretty much set the standard for it during the course of his career.

But, I mean, great Kung Fu films in which he preformed the life threatening stunts himself are all well and good, but the reason Jackie Chan is here, ahead of the likes of Jet Li or Tony Jaa, is because he has a sense of humour.  Jet Li has made some great movies, but he seems so damned serious.  Even when he tries to inject some humour in his films it all just seems like a thinly veiled attempt to copy Jackie.  And worse than that, it just feels like someone said 'Hey, let's add something funny here…' and even though Jet has no idea how to deliver the line, they make him do it anyways, telling him the whole time 'Trust me, this will be funny…'

And its not.

Don't get me wrong, Jackie's films don't have you rolling in the aisles, out of breath and clutching your sides from laughing so hard.  Au contraire.  You're far more likely to roll your eyes and go 'oh, brother…' during an obvious and played out comedic gag in a Jackie Chan movie than you are to genuinely laugh.  The difference is that Jackie feels like a little kid telling a bad knock-knock joke, he's just looking to entertain.  That goofy smile on his face is just so real.  Jet Li feels like he's reading it off a cue card.  And Tony Jaa just adds a comic relief character rather than ever having to break a smile himself.  Jackie wants to be funny, Jet and Tony feel they have to be funny.  None of them are, but only 2 of them feel disingenuous when they try to be.

There's a very distinct difference between being funny and having a sense of humour.  Jackie may not make me laugh, but he always makes me smile.  Even in Around the World in 80 Days...

Proof of Awesomeness:

I misspoke earlier in the blog when I didn't list him as one of the guys that has held the number 1 spot on this list during my lifetime.  He was easily my biggest Man Crush from the mid to late 90's, highlighted by the fact that I own at least 30 of his movies on DVD and VHS.
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Man Crush #5: Dave Grohl

Best Known For: The Foo Fighters

I don't know if I can do it.

I don't  know if I possess the words to properly express my love for Dave Grohl.  I mean, sure, it's not like I have to convince many people; Mr. Grohl is universally recognized by most as an awesome dude.  But it's not like I can just post a couple pictures and a YouTube clip and be done with it either.

That's wouldn't be fair to the 4 people that click here weekly with bated breath, anxious to be swept away with prose as I wax poetic about the next man to have earned my mighty man-love.

And yet…  I just don't know what to write.

'Talk about Nirvana', you say?  While I do appreciate the effort, if I'm honest, I was never a Nirvana diehard.  Sure, I liked all their music plenty, and it still pops up on the old iPod with a fair bit of regularity, but being a member of one of the most influential - and yes - greatest bands in the history of recorded music isn't why Mr. Grohl is here.

Nor is it his brilliant career fronting the Foo Fighters either.

Because, as i've said before, that's not what the Man Crush list is all about.  It's not about being the very best.  There are musicians that are more talented than Dave Grohl.  Not many, mind you, but they do exist.  Sure, Mr. Grohl's impressive musical abilities certainly helped him  to earn this spot in the illustrious Top 5, but that is far from the sole reason that he's here.

I think it comes down to this:  Dave Grohl 'gets it'.  He embodies what most of us hope we would be like if we were rich, famous and powerful rock stars.  He's having fun.  It seems simple enough, and yet, ends up being something that few rock stars, especially of his iconic stature, are able to achieve.  Most get lost in the chaos of trying to stay relevant, or saying the right thing, or being perceived as a bad ass.  But not Dave Grohl.  He never comes off as trying to be someone he's not.  He's just making great music and enjoying the ride.

Plus, I mean, he was the drummer for Nir-fucking-vana!

Proof of Awesomeness:

Man Crush #6: Jemaine Clement

Best Known For: Flight of the Conchords

Back in my write up for Trey Parker and Matt Stone, I hinted that it would not be the last time that two names appeared in one entry.  At the time it was because I knew that at some point I would be writing about Bret and Jemaine, and I did not think I could do them as separate entries.

You see, I love me some Flight of the Conchords.  And, much like South Park, I very strongly associate the greatness of the show to it's two creators (sorry James Bobin, but in my mind it's all Bret and Jemaine). Granted the rest of the cast certainly didn't hurt.  Any time I feel the need to say a name with an exclamation point, it deserves recognition on this list, and Flight certainly had it's fair share: Bret!  Murray!  and of course… Jemaine!

So, originally it was my intention to have this post be Jemaine and Bret.  You know, to properly reflect my love of Flight.  But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it just couldn't be.

Don't get me wrong, Bret cracks me up plenty, but really, he's not a number 6 Man Crush.  Heck, I'd probably put Rhys Darby (Murray!) ahead of him in the annals of Man Crush lore.  And really, once an entry becomes: #6 Jemaine Clement, Bret Mackenzie and Rhys Darby, then ya, things have gotten a little out of hand.  I felt bad enough about making Trey and Matt a double entry, can you imagine if I dropped a triple entry?

No, that's just crazy talk.  As such, I've decided to keep this one as a true and proper single entry.  Which is all well and good, except that now the question becomes: 'should Bret (or even Rhys) have appeared earlier on this list instead of someone else?'  I mean, sure, neither are Top 10 ...but Top 15?  Top 25?  I hurts my pride to even think it, but at least one of them would probably be there.

But… let's look at it this way.  They may not have appeared on the list, but they pretty much stole the thunder of this entire entry - one, that in theory, should have only been about Jemaine, but in the end barely featured him at all - which is no small feat, and is surely a consolation prize worth just as much as their own individual entries.

Of course that now begs the question: what about Jemaine?  Well, if you have any idea who Jemaine is, and if you've seen any of his work, chances are I don't need to justify his position on this list to you anyways.

Proof of Awesomeness:

I also feel obligated to give full credit to one Randal Tiberius Sneep for turning me on to the glory that is Flight.  I'm always quick to point out when I am the one to have turned him on to something he ended up loving, so it's only fair that I give him credit where credit is due.
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