Man Crush #15: Conan O'Brien

Best Known For: Hosting Late Night with Conan O'Brien

This selection requires no justification.  Conan is awesome.  Plain and simple.  This is not opinion, it is scientific fact.

But, seeing as how just leaving it at that makes for a rather short post, and Randy demands at least 5 paragraphs per blog, perhaps a little history into my Conan love is in order.

I've always preferred the second late night line up to the first.  I'm not a big Leno guy.  Never much cared for Letterman.  And I even prefer Colbert to Stewart.  Jimmy Kimmel is good.  Craig Kilborn was decent.  I don't hate Jimmy Fallon as much as I thought I would.  And Craig Ferguson was this close to making the Top 25 as well.  But, Conan has always reigned supreme.

Granted, his stint on the Tonight Show was not good, but he was trying to be something that he's not.  When Conan is being Conan, there's few better.  The years with Andy on the couch were deadly.  The Walker Texas Ranger Lever brilliant.  And no one did as well during the writer's strike than he did.  A true testament that his comedic abilities are not just the result of a strong group of writers behind him.

And maybe it's my soft spot for the self-deprecating humour, which Conan welds like a hammer.  Or maybe it was his involvement writing episodes during the greatest stretch of The Simpson's that this world has ever known.  Or maybe I just really like the idea of a  masturbating bear.  What ever the case may be, I loves me some Conan.

There.  Technically 5 paragraphs.  In your face, Sneep.

Proof of Awesomeness:

Man Crush #16: Gerard Butler

Best Known For: 300

Can one epic roll earn you a spot on the Man Crush list?  I had seen Phantom of the Opera, and Tomb Raider and Reign of Fire, but I did not know the name Gerard Butler until I sat in the theatre, jaw agape, as the glory that was 300 danced before my eyes, forever changing my life in the process.  So great was this movie, and even greater the performance by Gerard, that an instant Top 10 Man Crush had been crowned before the credits had even started rolling.

Of course, the keen observer has already said to themselves 'but wait, if he was an instant Top 10 Man Crush, why are we talking about him at number 16?'  And although my math is a little rusty these days, I assure you, this is no error.  In March of 2007, Gerard was easily in my Top 10, maybe even Top 5.  So what could possibly have transpired to see him free-fall out of the Top 15 within a mere 3 years?

No, I'm not docking him points for being a complete man-whore.  It's easy to look down one's nose at such behaviour, but, if I'm taking an honest look at myself in the mirror, I'm not sure I'd have the moral fortitude to say no to all the young hollywood starlets that he's made the rounds with either.  Nope, the docking of points can be summed up in 3 and a half simple words:

P.S. I Love You

And I know, it's pretty unfair of me to judge a movie that I've never seen, but judge it I have.  And it doesn't stop there.  Nim's Island. The Ugly Truth.  Gamer.  The Bounty Hunter.  None seen, all judged.

But, I didn't hate Law Abiding Citizen or RocknRolla.  And for the sake of argument, let's pretend the other aforementioned movies were tolerable.  It's not that he was in such mediocrity that sent his Man Crush stock crashing, but more that he hasn't really done anything good since 300. 

So, the question remains, can one epic roll earn you a spot on the Man Crush list?  For now, the answer is yes.  But ask me again in another 3 years...

Proof of Awesomeness:

Man Crush #17: Ryan Reynolds

Best Known For: Van Wilder (I think...)

Now we're starting to get into real Man Crush territory.  I'm not saying that previous entries haven't been, but this might be the first example that satisfies a very important aspect of the Man Crush criteria:  When you say to yourself 'Man, I would love to be that guy...'

I mean, no offense to Jeremy Clarkson, but I want his job.  I don't necessarily want to be him, per se.  Not that there's anything wrong with being a gangly, balding, 50 year old british guy.  But being Jeremy Clarkson isn't going to be one of my 3 wishes if a genie ever pops out of a lamp.  Don't get me wrong, he's still a true Man Crush.  I respect the hell out of him, I love his sense of humour and his passion for cars.  But I don't sit around thinking 'Man, I would love to be that guy...'

But young, rich, attractive, humble, hilarious, and awesome?  Yeah, I could stand to swap places with Mr. Reynolds.  And then there's the icing on the sundae, the cherry on the cake, if you will (and I assure you that my Reynolds Man Crush was in place long before this transpired) but if there's one thing you need to know about me - one rule that I live my life by - it is this:

If it's good enough for Scarlett Johansson, then it's good enough for me.

That's why when Scarlett threw Josh Hartnett to the curb, he suddenly fell out of the Top 10 on the Man Crush list.  Not good enough for Scarlett?  Not good enough for me.  Ok, that might not be the only reason you won't find him in the Top 10...

But I digress. 

Ryan Reynolds = awesome.  There.  Done.  Number 17.

Proof of Awesomeness:


Actually, I still feel bad about throwing Clarkson under the bus.  Because even though I don't sit around thinking 'Man, I would love to be that guy...', I do sit around thinking 'Man, I would love to be that guy... when I'm 50.' 

Man Crush #18: Gord Downie

Best Known For:  Front man of The Tragically Hip

I enjoy music.  I always have.  I probably always will.  I'm not fanatical about it.  I don't know a bunch of obscure indie bands that I have an offensive air of superiority about, and talk down to you with complete pretentiousness if you are naïve enough to have never heard of them.  I don't look down my nose at anything main stream or only listen to original vinyl because it sounds so much better than your petty mp3's.  But I enjoy music.

It's funny though, because you'd think with the sheer number of bands and musicians I enjoy, that more of them would have blossomed into Man Crushes over the years.  And yet, here we are, eight names into this list, and this is the first musician to make the grade.  But really, it stands to reason, seeing as how the majority of rock stars are kind of douche bags.  I mean, it's just hard for me to admire guys that chase their heroin down with a bottle of whiskey, and give an interview with all the charm and intelligence of a retarded monkey.  No offense to retarded monkeys.

It doesn't mean they can't create great music that I will enjoy for years to come.  But that ability alone will not earn you a place in my man crush heart.

And then there's Gord Downie.  Don't get me wrong, I love me some Tragically Hip.  They've given me 20 years of nothing but musical greatness.  But they're not my number one band of all time or anything.  I mean, they're probably in the Top 10 (Top 15 at the very least) but Gord's placement on this list has less to do with the band, and everything to do with the man himself.

The ability to write and perform great music certainly doesn't hurt, but a sharp wit, passion for Canada, and general air of awesomeness are what elevate him to such greatness.  Man Crush greatness.  His Killer Whale Tank (see: Proof of Awesomeness) and Double Suicide Highway Girl rants alone should secure his place here.  And the Trailer Park Boys video for The Darkest One cements his Man Crush legacy in stone.

"Are you really the messiah?  Yes I am."  Couldn't have said it better myself, Gord.

Proof of Awesomeness: (NSFW language)